The night began with "let go home early so we can study for my 9am final" and ended with "show me your boobs for a free pack of gum".My breasts are worth 14 sticks for a dollar.
your ex dropped by. you can call me dwight howard, cuz im the king of rebounds
I don't think I have ever been told that I am "probably too drunk to pet the stingrays" by a cop before.
It sucks..Now I'm depressed because appearence wise, she's the closest to my favorite pornstar I'll ever get..
As a side note, my abs are sore. Most likely cause? Orgasms. Thank you.
He burnt a smiley face into the screen with a cigarette, peed in my tub and then tried to take off his pants. tried...
i turned my shower on this morning and passionfruit pulp came out. how did you even do that?
I can feel myself smiling like 10 minutes after I stop smiling, and that's just like... so awesome.
I did, I'm just saying. Once the drinking starts my nipples are no longer my control.
Would you be mad if I just used the argument "I'm allowed to say that, my best friend is a lesbian"?
Never. I'm proud to help you win arguments.
Did I get stoned on a sunday afternoon and speak to someone on the phone for an hour about cats and their behaviour? Glad you asked. And yes.
No don't worry! What are obnoxious, alcoholic, slut roommates for if not for uplifting words and tales of my folly?!
go for it girl, the world is ur dick oyster
Peeing in taco bell cups is part of the fun of going to taco bell
How do you politely tell someone to get out of your house in Russian
Randomize
