The vibrating part of my dildo broke, now I have to rely on gyration.
Spider just rapelled from her vag rethinking online dating.
Just puked in a mcdonalds cup while driving. Didn't even swerve.
Just found two Xanax on the floor at the tanning bed. And yes, Im taking them...looks like going to get cancer is paying off
She kept saying I was her favorite Jonas brother, and for some reason, I was ok with that.
I just packed a bowl in my room and use glad press n' seal to cover it so it wouldn't dump out in my pocket .
she said if I bought her franzia she would blow me, and she would fuck me if I splurged on martini and rossi. Franzia it is
The neighbors are smoking hash and doing Julia Child impressions...again.
Whenever I said your name you screamed polo and did another shot.
The UPD just told me that he was going to call the cops if i try to run. you owe me 5 dollars, i told u they arn't real cops
I wouldn't take my shot so you poured it on my face. Twice.
I mean turning down birthday sex is never the answer
I used to think not drinking while I was pregnant was not gonna be a problem, but I now I'm like shit that's a long time
You can't just take out your bong for hits in public places... That's what pipes are for. You've got to be stealthier.
No, it's okay because this is the city of trees.
YOU'VE ALREADY BEEN BUSTED MORE THAN ONCE. THAT'S NOT A VALID EXCUSE FOR BONG HITS IN COFFEE GARDEN
I was just shot with a dart gun by one of my coworkers while walking to the printer. Ironically I was printing my resignation letter...
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