So why didn't Edward and the Cullens just kill Hitler?
You need to stop watching Twilight.
My mom's crying. That means it must be Christmas.
She used to be a real nice person. Now she's just a dick sucking machine
No, we talked about it. They're cool with me living here as long as I sleep with them both.
You're a rent hooker.
Whatever she smells like compost and feathers.
I believe they call that patchouli.
She walked out and announced that he was now part of our confused, incestuous, glorious eskimo family. I've never been more proud.
Campus is too small for this to keep happening
Let's be honest, I'm cooking chicken nuggets in my Helm jersey and underwear who has their life more together than me?
A thong just fell out of my purse in front of my whole class maybe I should stop using this morning class as my walk of shame
I was going to be upset with you on moral grounds but then i realized free chocolate was involved
he played intl players anthem 4me and ate a strawberry out of my pussy
I met a guy last night who bought me a book on Amazon at the bar and then we had sex. Boners for books is a thing. Boom.
For starters i called the cops on myself for trying to destroy the ladys decorations
Sent. All. My. Texts. Like. This. Last. Night. Thank. You. Weed. Also. Had. A. Dream. About. A. Serial. Killer. That. Killed. Everyone. Except. Me. And.
he's fucking insane. he's worse than me. is that even possible? I'm only with him because his dick is huge. I need Jesus.
I ripped ass in on and around her face during a hard 69. I don't think she'll ever call me again.
Randomize
