yea i thought the egg drop soup tasted weirdly like cum, and then i suddenly remembered what happened last night.
i'm never eating chinese again.
im sorry, I just can't fuck a guy who can't receive picture messages
He told me I just kept sending him the word sex and dollar signs.
All I remember is mattress sliding down the stairs while giving him a blow-job. Sorry you had to witness the incident.
She just threw the soap bottle at me from the ladie's room and keeps asking me when we left the bar and got on the boat.
His penis makes me feel like a mystic dragon sliding down a turbo slide covered in white gumdrops and sour cashews
Same.
What I'm trying to say is, that time you chained me to my dresser and made me beg for it was incredibly romantic.
I just put fruit snacks in my sangria instead of real fruit. Its like freshman year all over again..
We couldn't afford sangria freshman year. We're lucky we had fruit snacks..
some girl at the bar told me my beard would tickle every inch of her body till she joy puked her face off.... that was so random and odd i just had to buy her a drink for having the guts to say it to me. WTF
I Can't even believe I threw all my pizza rolls at her, I mean not only did i ruin a good meal but now I dont have anymore
You crowd surfed from beer pong into the bathroom where you spent the rest of the night, also I have your wallet
Sometimes i like to think we arent living together next year and that im living with models that like to experiment but you ruin that fantasy time and time again
He got too drunk... he threw up ON the closed toilet.
It's a Jersey thing
You ever just SEE a guy and know he's good at choking someone out?
It's 3 am.
Finally got with the virgin.
Yeah? Howd that go?
As soon as I got it all the way in, I looked deep into her eyes and said "your soul is mine" in the deepest voice I could make. She was not amused.
Randomize
