I would say the hottest chick there looked like Susan Boyle and the ugliest like Bea Arthur
Nice use of current day folklore
I woke up covered in my own vomit with a pocket full of napkins. I guess I knew I would need them, but was not coherent enough to use them before passing out.
We were in the backseat and he was giggling uncontrolably. It felt like I was giving head to a 10 year old girl.
Pass out mid-funnel last night.
He had the smallest penis i'd ever seen. I can see why he drinks his life away.
Two dudes. Loud music. Dancing shirtless possibly naked. Why would I ever need cable?!
I lull them into a false sense of security with my gayness. Then when they're vulnerable, I strike, like a snake. A big non-gay snake, with huge balls.
door buzzer is fixed. took shots with Latvian electrician to celebrate. nice guy. he is gonna bring mixers next time cuz kombucha didn't really cut it for him.
She is currently expressing her joy for "bad to the bone" through interpretive dance...
What happened to my knees?
You ate shit in front of the homeless people. They applauded.
This weekend I forgot a cup, so I drank my wine out of a Pringles can. So classy. You would have been so proud.
Locals got pissed I was talking to the barmaid. Tried to tell me that they keep all the good beer at "a Soho walkup" Google saved me
I'm hungover from the 8pm vodka and still drunk from the 5am beer.
I just wanna fuck your brother. Sorry if thats a crime.
Now I am free. And I want to go meet men. My phone deleted all my contacts, and I consider this to be a new beginning. With a new man in my phone book.
Randomize
