He has jerked off in so many socks I am surprised he doesn't have athletes dick
Still drunk and leading the team through the 9am sales meeting. I'm pretty sure this is why there aren't more 26year-olds in management.
oh my god i just remembered the cat blow jobs.
if you're passed out when i get there i get to wear your banana costume and do awful things to you
I dont think punching her boob is the type of reverse psychology that will get her to blow you.
He likes Jesus. Game over.
Oooh wait, he just told me he was high.
He upper decked the toilet, got himself lit on fire 6 times and lit 4 other people on fire in the course of 3 days.
Me and my vagina aren't speaking at the moment.
Do something fun then. Blow up the house or whatever.
How have you survived this long?
Dumb luck and a deal with the devil.
Do you know how disconcerting it is to hear the sound a dog makes while it drinks water and find out that it's someone eating you out?
All I have in my new place is coke and a treadmill.. it's workout Wednesday
I couldn't find a lighter, so I smoked a bowl with a birthday candle.
Oh no. Did you guys fuck on my pull out couch?
Just once, can I please come back to a room that doesn't smell like beer and cum?
How do you confess that you've had phone sex with your fiancé's brother's ex-girlfriend's new guy she's dating who has also slept with your best friend?
Randomize
