so he expects you to be his vegas whore for the season. nice.
I really love her but I don't think I can go the rest of my life without anal.
She turned over and said "You smell like my dad, i just can't do this"
does anyone know how to get red sharpie out of a white cat?
I just don't see what's wrong with carrying a water bottle around.
It's not the bottle. It's the fact that you're drinking wine out of a sport bottle at 9 am.
Um I just overheard that the new guy spent a month in jail. Obvi another great hire.
i gave him a hand job with one hand and held the 40 with the other. this is like freshman year all over again.
My mom just invited me to come with them on their honeymoon to Mexico this summer. And I got a Bump-It in my stocking.
Pass the awkward sauce please.
I'm drowning in it here
And after getting thrown out of the frat house, getting carried up the hill for a half an hour, puking 5 times, and almost getting stopped by campus security, she still insisted he sleep with her. Gotta give her credit, even blacked she kept her eyes on the prize
Can I just say that you're probably one of my favorite people to have sex with and then eat hummus with at 3:45am?
I know you`re my best friend, but when i wake up with this bad of a hangover and no memories of last night, i dont want to see your tits ad my background.
Walking around as slutty Ron Swanson is amazing
Saw my drug dealer at Easter mass with his family so that was weird
Hey do you care to explain why there are 3 empty pickle jars next to me when I woke up or do I even wanna know?
You abruptly started screaming because they had and I quote “calamari on the hoof”
Randomize
