she was definitely wearing a bumpit. i think it was the hollywood bumpit. i told her that i lived with my parents to get outta taking her home.
Her brother is deaf.
no wonder she was so good with her hands
Were betting on little kids falling and racing for a drinking game at the wedding.
Human Centipede: The Drinking Game. This is non-negotiable. First one to pass out the rest of us get to FEEEEED THEM!
I ate cinnamon toast crunch. I'm officially out of the puke zone. Blackout drunk Friday. WHAT IS GOOD.
three guys with a tattoo of the Walmart rollback smiley holding up a middle finger on their ass=free drinks in every bar
I told her I was dressed as a gag reflex judge.....she won, literally hands down.
Ugh a 13 year old just asked me why people drink, I had to explain it without making it sound good. I need a drink.
Didn't have the heart to tell him that while he was eating my ass I was laughing, not moaning, into the pillow
He has started theming his dick pics. I have one he sent his duck has a sombrero on. Another a Barbie is riding it.
Things that happen while I poop: I start dating someone
Some guy just walked past the bus stop in a lab coat and with a samurai sword and case...
Good News: There was a condom on the floor. Bad News: It was still in the wrapper
why is there a thong in the fridge-NOT MINE-and a half of a pickle on the stairs?!
I don't wear thongs. The picle was for dipping. Ill explain later. Lacy or plain thong ?
Tequila. The ruiner of all good intentions.
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