Too bad my picture didn't come thru. It was one of me naked riding a unicorn with a wizard hat and a magic staff. And the unicorn had wings. And me too.
in the car goin home for fam dinner and he is silent... i think he realized how big of a whore his little sister is
omg. why did you never tell me how amazing shitting and smoking is?
i thought this knowledge was automatically promulgated at the age of eighteen?
you told his mom that the only thing he wants for christmas is his dick in your mouth
Eating hibachi. The chef is squirting sake into my mouth with a ketchup bottle. Happened twice, more to come.
I was just walking down the hall and passed a very pregnant girl wearing a shirt that said "blame it on the aaaaaa-alcohol." I can't decide if she's brilliantly witty or just pointing fingers.
He had me saved in his phone as "Dick Socket". Lets see if I ever fuck him in a bathroom again.
I have a new philosophy. Fuck wearing bras, it's summertime.
I don't even know man. I was to busy having beer showered on me and grabbing some balls
I'm going to take a nap so I don't feel like a stripper sneezed in my mouth tomorrow morning at work.
Also bring a pizza or no entry to my vagina OR the fort.
Cheese only
It wasn't your birthday, you weren't supposed to be the drunk one
When people keep buying you drinks at the bar because they like you, you can't say no to them
This morning he fucked me while I was brushing my teeth. So I kept brushing as he thrusted. Then I brushed his teeth with my toothbrush while he was still in me. So hygienic.
I need to start dating older women. We tried sexting and she used more emojis than actual words. It was so bad that I did the math...her messages were 54% emoji. No one should make me feel this old when I'm only 28.
It was very surreal. They were listening to a religious podcast on morality while they both went down on me.
Randomize
