I still think their baby is ugly. I also still think it's yours.
i didnt know what to say other then wrong hole.....after that the moment was ruined.
I bought a Christmas tree in my drunken state last night, after walking a half mile in search of vino and prior to my apparently playing boardgames with my boyfriend's family. There is no way you are on my level.
can't believe I ate straight coffee grounds to stay awake for that
today was the first day of rush. talking to girls all day makes me sick of having a uterus.
My Adderall prescription says to take my recommended dose and throw away any leftover pills. Why don't more prescriptions come with jokes like this?
Yeah I'm about to go down a waterslide that comes out a 2nd story window. I love college.
Well, he sent me "techno kitty adventure" about 10 minutes ago. So, he could be anywhere.
It's like someone is grabbing my scrodum with pliers and just hanging there.
He just tried to eat my hair and he keeps talking about pissing on everything, come home soon I beg of you
She had an asthma attack and had to stop but insisted on getting me off. It's official she's the one
So, I had a dream last night that involved you as an actual cloaked Captain America and a lot of weird sex, and I didn't hate it.
Current state of being: shivering like a new born kitten on the bathroom floor
I have his gate key so know he has to see me again.
yes we're having sex but I'm texting you...so what does that tell you?
Randomize
