Lets drop out of school and be professionally skinny and drunk
Any girl that compares her vag to a hot ham sandwich is beyond a slut
Just figured out I can wedge my iphone between my boobs so it stands up at a perfect handsfree reading angle. Clearly somebody up there wants me to smoke this bowl while I watch my bieber videos
I feel like somehow my uterus ended up in my ribcage from all the keg stands i did last night..
Then he complimented me on how excellent I was at breathing through my nose
As I fucked him you stood outside my door screaming, "I'M NOT JUDGING YOU!" over and over.
I was judging you.
Good thing I left work early to shave my balls because traffic sucked ass, which I was written up for and my reason on the write was "to close on time, have to shave balls for date tonight". Oh yea, that was a bold statement right there
I mean, two foreign guys have drunkenly confessed their love for her, so she's clearly doing something right.
'twas the night before moms weekend and all were blacked out. Not a coug was sober not even farm house. I was down to fuck but you were not in sight, so I bid pullmania a sweet goodnight.
Saw a dude last night at a strip club's bar eating canned pineapple and giving tootsie pops to the girls...
Imagine Arby's curly fries spiraled around a dick
I just threw up a strange neon green substance. Did I eat a glow stick last night?
Did we kick in my basement door last night?
Yes. I think you actually bought tennis shoes specifically for that application.
He stopped eating me out to remind me to look at the stars
Any chance he has an open marriage? That penis shouldn’t be wasted on one woman. It should be shared with all womankind, or at least me. I’m too good at sex to be deprived a penis that large
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