I give out O-faces like they're halloween candy
So shortly after drunk sex...she starts crying and saying..." you don't care about me, you never do anything nice for me" so I called her a cab
I'm sorry but all I really read was "my nipples will get hard."
I've realized that you're the only friend i can rely on to drink with me any given day. i thank you for that.
You were passed out on the chair and when I asked you if you were okay you looked up and said "I'm fine, I was just pretending for a picture" then passed out again.
Its not that I'm getting free haircuts... Its just that she is paying for sex with haircuts...
I'm eating crumbled blue cheese out of Tubbaware. My life is nothing.
Need you on the dancefloor. Hungry and lonely.
I be dancing. See you soon. You can drink tequila from my pants.
Would you like to partake in getting high as fuck with your best friend and then proceeding to cry over the shit head guys we deal with?
In my opinion the party was fun, but i did A LOT of cocaine so my view was a little distorted......
For an hr, you were convinced you no longer had a right arm so you played Super Mario Bros with just your left hand vs Beth. You won btw, mite b why she refused to wear the unicorn head
Morning! Got your 3am VM to remind you to get up for spin class and also confirm you were not murdered by the sketchy guy at brunch yesterday. So this is your literal and metaphorical wake up call.
All the doctor said was why
I haven't listened to news as I've been having lesbian sex all night. Anything new?
Randomize
