sorry i'm running a bit late. had to shave my brittney...was looking more like rapunzel. clearly i've been having a drought.
Yea. But u kept saying "as long as she doesn't have aids" so I was concerned
They called security on the security guard who tried to break up the party in their suite. You tell me how drunk they were.
I have been sober for so long that I miss hangovers... what is happening to this summer?
You said you were going to take the sideview mirror to your own car so that nobody would steal it. Thats why you woke up with it.
Oh my god what did I do. My hands are scraped, there are pickles on the floor, my clothes are wet, and I don't remember how I get here. Thank you.
So I vote that we skip the bowling and just go straight to destroying our livers.
Looks better than the half a blow job I got the other night which I had to finish myself. From a chick I refer to simply as "mom jeans".
He handcuffed himself to the keg... D is hooking up with him anyway.
My lunch = taste testing salsas for A&P. They gave me a free 64oz grape juice as a thank you. So, now we have something to drink in the house. So while you are spending all the money on breakfast rolls and pizza for lunch, I'm cigaretteless and whoring myself for tablespoons of salsa and free juice.
I woke up with broken tostitos all over my bed and a snap chat of myself flipping off the camera.
I'm sitting next to the guy that peed in our drying machine
New drinking game, drink every time Rhianna says "Work" in her new song.
It's just really funny to hear them talk about March for Life when literally every single one of those girls has had an abortion
Stop thinking about me and go on your date... at least I got the glitter off your face first.
Randomize
