Oscar is the man. He keeps getting pictures of hot nude women with messages in spanish saying "i hope you like it" sent to his phone
whose oscar?
the baller who i guess decided to give out a fake number at the bar last weekend. luckily that fake number was mine. i have enough porn to last me until next month.
The poor thing was so drunk they wheeled his motorcycle into the bar. I just dropped him off to pick it up. The best walk of shame ever.
Who the fuck was that guy he kept pulling his dick out walking up to people trying to hand it to people and saying go ahead open the door like it was a door knob
I began mixing captain Morgan and jack daniels and called it captain jack sparrow. I puked. a lot.
I'm really high and I'm watching this show where Gordon Ramsay goes to other people's restaurants and just yells at them about things.
I JUST MADE OUT WITH A BRITISH SOCCER PLAYER. LONG LIVE THE QUEEN. GOD BLESS THAT COUNTRY.
All I know is you walked out of the kitchen in some kind of French onion dip bra and started passing out individual chips to guys saying " do you dip?"
I would have been the big man on campus...just flop my wang out on the table and how them what they were gonna deal with if they dropped the soap
I recently had a rabies scare because I thought putting socks on my hands to pick up a squirrel that got in my house was a good idea.
oh and apparently my boobs are named "have no fear" and "plenty o'beer"
I'm just gonna put on a documentary and throw up
How do you politely tell a guy that you only kissed him so he would shut the fuck up?
Accidentally searched up "pizza pasties" instead of "pizza pastries". I was not disappointed.
Oh no. Did we do a blood oath again?!
I’m going to Lewinsky this place
That makes no sense, but it sounds terrifying
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