the family i'm sitting with looks like the Addams family. Except for the daughter...she looks like Shrek
And this is weird.. I feel slightly less depressed after shitting myself.
I just saw a like a 30 person deep walk of shame... it was like the million man march but with dorm chicks
They have an open bar at this baby shower. I was born to be Cuban.
Just saw a woman with a Pomeranian in her bra. Way to step up your game Seattle.
everything was going well until edgar threatened to handcuff the security guard to himself.
Hypothetical question: how bad would bacardi be as an IV drip?
death...100% death...what r u planning.
I may have played more drinking games with my family this last week than all of freshman year...
I ran into a hotel and told the doorman he was doing a great job. That was before you cried on my jacket.
Dude, you flipped off a cat from my balcony and yelled at it to get a house
I saw seagulls fucking earlier today. What have you done with your life recently?
CUT OFF ALL YOUR HAIR COME ON MAN LET'S DO THIS
My hangover didn't kick in until like 4pm so I found myself puking in the middle of Times Square. During rush hour. In a three piece suit. A spongebob came by and patted me on the back.
It was the scariest thing ever having a flame that close to my balls...
He saw my Halloween/ Costume closet and assumed I’m into cosplay. I’m going with it. What’s sexier, a cop or a nurse?
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