I feel like if im whacking off more now that i have a gf than i did when i was single, somethings wrong.
Oh and then this old man who saw it happen goes "don't do that"
Hahaha what a helpful old man. Like you thought it was normal to be spilling gas everywhere.
I just put a tampon in while driving. Don't tell me I don't got skills.
Omg you had literally better be on fire, drowning, and being crucified all at the same time to be calling me at 7:30 in the goddamn morning.
Blood and glitter go together right?
I just puked my brains out on the side of the road (see picture) And I took a picture for our scrapbook! I am always thinking! =) tell me your proud?!
My boss walked in on me puking in the urinal while taking a piss. Sunday funday is eroding my last shred of credibility at work.
Can I also remind you that we insisted on touching his mustache?
Well of course I remember it took up like 20 minutes of my night.
My taste buds are fucked up, everything tastes like fire after last night.
I woke up in Brittany's thong, Tony's shirt, and an oven mitt
Like, what do you do with girlfriends? Buy her dinner and just like leave?
I'm not gonna swipe right, he has better hair than me. Just no.
I told him that we shouldn't complicate things. He responded with a dick pic.
Remember those two guys in our frat that would no homo everything? I just got an invitation to their wedding.
God does not give you boobs that amazing to not share them with your friends
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