Ben affleck wants to be a US senator. Just thought you would puke with me
Tell me why Im cashing out of Walmart with Smirnoff and catfood
I took it to a new level. I'm procrastinating taking my adderall. Hate finals week.
I've gone to the bathroom 3 times. And forgot to pee. 3 times. Let's say we call it a night, I need to be found. I see a fish tank by the bar and some stairs.
I just found like 5 packs of sparklers. If someone doesn't get set on fire tonight I am retiring from party hosting.
I have fruit by the foot roll-ups. I wonder if a man could tie them together and make an editable bra....
The less money I spend on drugs, the happier my mom will be.
I can't be here...my therapist just watched me take tequila shots
Hiding the dark circles under my eyes this morning was like trying to hide a Beached Whale on the Couch eating Pita chips.
An d I'd rather cry while putting a waffle in my mouth than cry on my pillow, ya feel me?
I'm so drunk and angry about the Michigan game the fact of my relationship being over doesn't matter
its hard to say precisely how it happened, but the next thing i knew i was on top of a mountain
It’s a dick. Seen one, seen em all. Unless it spews a fountain of tequila, I don’t need to see yours.
The last thing I remember saying was "Tequila for all!!"
If you count the sounds from the room down the hall....that was definitely NOT the last thing that came out of your mouth.
Found my paycheck. It was in the freezer
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