I think that we as people have rights and that we should at the very least be warned before being subjected to Fergie
sometimes when i'm walking through campus i wonder how many of these people have seen me puke
So I went to have a snack...can you please tell me why there's a condom in the hummus?
At first I was confused when I woke up with shards of glass and pickle brine in my pants. But then I remembered I hung out with you last night.
If you like her enough, bring her with. If not, eloquently cunt punt that bitch through the field goals of life.
I'm rearranging all my life goals to become a billionaire by 28 and batman by 30. Not kidding.
WHAT GOOD IS APPRECIATING IF NOBODY'S NAKED
We need to get stoned and watch Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles 2. This has become a priority. Schedule accordingly.
I'm to the point where I'm fantasizing about Iron Chefs going down on me.
you got into a really intense arguement about protecting bees. it was wierdly arousing.
She was drunk at Red Robin. She asked for more fries and then shoved them in her purse while saying "Come on bitches, you're coming with me" to them.
How weird is it that 2 people I've had sex with have the same birthday and they don't even know each other
Just stole my moms weed, left a note saying sorry.. Hope she isn't mad.
Just found out my dad smokes weed too. Mom, grandma, all aunts and uncles, and now my dad too. It's like I'm genetically engineered to be a stoner.
If he ever pulls my hair again, I'm going to conveniently have lock jaw. Then he can decide whether pain during sex is still fucking appealing.
Randomize
