i'm listening to "transmissions" by The Tea Party from like '97 and waxing my legs. fuck i'm awesome in my alone time
This frat boy drinking a forty and wearing a pussy patrol shirt just ran out in front of my car. I should have used less brakes.
I'm so hungover I took Dramamine to help prevent the motion sickness of walking.
There is a keg full of gin. THERE SHOULD NEVER EVER BE A KEG FULL OF GIN.
Do your friends by chance have our inflatable deer head?
Nevermind, it's in the dryer.
The to do list extremely baked self wrote for me last night says "1. Join gym 2. Passport? 3. Join a gym" And then just a drawing of a squid
He actually just looked up and said I'm gonna cum in my pants. and he did. no shame.
This is how baked we were last night. Our drinking game: We stare at each other; first one to laugh drinks.
We're having soft pretzels and cheese dip for dinner tonight. Like fucking adults.
Guess what I'm doing tonight? Tacos and strip chess.
We watched scrubs, then I got a shower blowjob which led to shower sex and the living room floor sex. Now she's baking cookies. I may not be studying, but I'm doing something right.
She offered to treat me to breakfast after a one night stand if I meet her parents and sex again if I act as her bf. It may be a trap but its a offer I won't refuse.
Right when he asked me if I was on birth control my dad walked in. This is my fate.
One day I'm gonna have to send my roommate a "sorry I got high and forgot you were in the room and masturbated next to you" fruit basket
We climaxed at the same time during ain't no mountain high enough. Does it get more cheesy or domestic for a non relationship?
Randomize
