Is it bad that my booty call's snoring was more interesting than the sex we had last night?
you screamed 'he won't go on a date with me, but he gave me a free junior chicken'
well imagine, me dating the manager equals free junior chickens for everyone
Sometimes I kiss girls just to make them shut up.
his cum shot went directly into his bellybutton. felt like i was playin ski ball
i jus got home and totaly forgot i had nut all over the back of my shirt
..im mad u rememberd about that
At least our walk of shames never included a bag of chips and a jar of queso..
you handed me the dorito you were about to eat and told me to 'keep him safe' while you went to the bathroom
I really hope jumping jacks prevent pregancy because I'm kind of banking on it right now, do you know why there's a unicycle in the corner of my room?
Let's just do a victory lap through all of our exes.
No gay bar. My eyemake up looks like sex and Im using these dick daggers of mine tonight.
Anywho, an ostrich attacked me today. Fucking useless pieces of shit birds.
I feel like a girl who eats her problems away with fast food.
When all else fails, you can always look down at your enormous penis.
I like being woken up by phone calls of you sabotaging marriages
she chased shots of jack with a fucking steak. i'm in love.
Dude come over...were drunk and I'm holding a T-shirt gun and discovered beer cans are the same size as rolled shirts.
Randomize
