Do you remember getting into a Delorean last night?
I'm sooo using this pickup line: "Baby, its not the 2.5 inches... Its the 200 pounds behind it"
maybe tonight we can turn coloring into a drinking game
i am high, trapped with a bunch of skaters and asians watching a cat on lsd on youtube, the girl on the couch next to me is getting fingered, and there is lady gaga playing. god has forgetten about me
im guessing your the one that tried to make bacon in the toaster
Just realized after we're done pre-gaming for St. Patricks Day, we have March Madness, the first day of spring, and Easter to pre-game for. March is a great month.
My professor just told me I'm living a lie and I found puke on my pants. How do you think it's going?
I'm stoned and just shared 4 cookies with this chicks dog
They're raisins though so they're healthy. No worries.
Please ask me to tell you about the time I watched two of my friends chase my drunk roommate with a broken foot around downtown
Fuck man, my Dad's been single so long I get him a year's sub to a porn site every year for for Father's Day
I got a blow torch for Christmas. You are now permitted to be afraid.
future reference: when you get a text that says "WARNING: EXPLICIT PHOTOS BEING DELIVERED. VIEWERS DISCRETION IS ADVISED." you always open the attached picture.
I don't remember his name. I had whataburger on my mind and in my hands so I wasnt really listening
I'm bathroom at buffalo wild wings
I think incapable of making pants work send help
I'm not gonna lie, but for some reason I have this strong desire to watch porn with my pint of haagen das.
Randomize
