no morals, dignity, or self respect ... just an empty condom wrapper and a facebook request
There could not be a more unattractive person. She just told me her period was so bad that she got sick. I think my penis retracted and killed himself
Well at one point you put icyhot on your feet because you lost your shoes and it was snowing outside.
I mean I had a leg brace. It would have been irresponsible for me to be on top.
Is it a step in the wrong direction to ask my parents for a kegerator for graduation?
Oh btw I took the eighth out of the plastic wrap so I could use it to wrap my red pepper. This can be seen as either pathetic or resourceful.
you cant ever make fun of my bong's stick on moustache again. its the reason the cop let me keep it and my weed.
You showed up to your dad's bday dinner late, dirty, and hungover then proceeded to yell at the bartender for trying to take advantage of you by putting extra bourbon in your drink... Highly doubt you win best daughter award.
I had phone sex with a retiree last night. This is not how I envisioned my 20s going...
We were on the ground in Tampa for 55 hours and we drank for 30 of them.
We won Spring Training 2013.
No way hahaha I have zero intention of adding him I wanna just join in on a three some but mostly just be there for moral support and snacks
I WANNA SUCK HIS DICK ON A BOAT
Thinking and hoping ice cream is the answer to my problems
She thinks I cheated on her 10 years ago in a past life lmao
Not going to lie, when I looked in the tub I expected to see what might have been remnants of a squirrel.
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