i love how i spend my mornings exploring my phone to see what i did last night.
The guy in the American Flag bikini was telling the women he was disgusted at the amount of alcohol they weren't drinking. Then it got ridiculous.
Man, I thought my dick was gonna fall off.
Dude, I didn't even think they made slap bracelets anymore. You okay?
If it's any consolation, I've been sitting in the hallway in assless chaps for the past thirty minutes
can you just act like it's not so easy to get a blowjob from me??
We got kicked out of Walmart for playing cod with squirt guns of course it was better then prom.
I told him I was very thankful for what his country has done to my vagina and walked away.
I was less embarrassed asking him to torrent the teen mom's porn. I'm not gonna ask him to about season 4 of PLL.
Every little girl dreams of the day when she picks up her fuck buddy because he's drunk at the gay bar again.
I threw up a lot of peanut butter last night.
The lady that was sitting beside me thought the best way to cheer herself up was to pet and ruffle my hair while crying and telling me her problems...
He came and farted at the same time. My life is over.
You started yelling about vegans ruining the world. Because we drove past some cows eating grass.
Let's just grow old together and be the crazy ladies that sit on the park bench, drinking booze from flasks and loudly talk about people who walk by.
dude i told her that I loved her...and she said, " go fuck yourself"
Randomize
