We're so high we're finding things in the room to build a submarine with. So far we have two cardboard boxes, a piece of wood, puffy paint, and an empty bottle to use as a periscope.
she's got a whisker from her dead cat taped to the wall. I'm pretty sure that about sums it up...
i just googled "who won the civil war" . how can i still have a 97% in this class?
Showering in the handicapped shower. Im THAT hungover.
My night sucks. It's really hard to masturbate with a broken finger.
Update: I only have one shoe. The other one now belongs to the gods of jello-wrestling. May it rest in peace.
I'm pretty sure I just crapped out my pancreas. I have 2 of those, right?
Is it weird that I noticed my lower half feels strange and then further realized it's bc I'm wearing underwear to bed for the first time in weeks..maybe months?
I feel like my map app knows I'm hungover and is strategically not driving me by fast food places so I cannot stop
This is the perfect outfit to do ketamine in, I must say
What's the best way to tell someone that I accidentally wound up in a gay harem?
So this morning when I woke up. I found my refrigerator open and no more food. It was empty, I'm home alone for the week. Where in hell did that food go?
No problem...what are friends for if they can't rub eachothers genitals.
Just sent a nude with the caption "seasons greetings from our family to yours"
I once left mine in my bra and I forgot and I didn't notice it was there until it vibrated.
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