The first thing on our $10,000 damage bill was "condoms in the main drain"
im sure we could have fun without alcohol but i just dont wanna chance it...
soooo we both peed the bed last night...
she asked me what the final straw was. i had to tell her i caught him jerking off to digimon porn. i don't know what i'm more upset by, that he was masturbating to cartoons, or that he was masturbating to sub-par cartoons
Sometimes I worry for your future but then I remember how big your boobs are.
Hey Im running from the cops. hiding in a bush. when you're approaching the intersection honk the horn twice and I will come out.
that's probably because you left your arm in the fishtank for 90% of the night
Reached a new low. Drinking Wine from my thermos while on the stair master.
He puked in the voicemail. That's a true friend right there.
Send me another check for the tickets. I scratched out "anal wax" and now the bank won't take it.
so serious though like its almost like I'm playing a game that's my life and Im always losing
well smoking weed has become a deal breaker for me so I pretty much use "let's go smoke a blunt" as an icebreaker
How old am I that I had to sneak a boy out of my room this morning...
We broke the bed while I was handcuffed to the headboard and let's just say that was a hard one to explain to the RA
Just because you got dumped by some loser doeant mean you need Jesus. It just means you need better friends and some booze
Randomize
