I'm drunk
Is that why you're texting me
Yes
I am currently prioritizing my hw by splitting into things i can and things i cant do drunk. Oh college
even my worst enemy doesn't deserve a bush like that
so i told him i still liked him. he laughed
well, your crazy. what did you expect?
Just had to return the shit I stole from the dining hall, with everyone watching...apparently there ARE consequences for being drunk, coked up and belligerent.
we didnt even have break up sex...
you had it for us with someone else...
you left a paper here that says 'to do list' but it looks like you just wrote "drink a bunch of cough syrup and watch Who's the Boss" like 60 times
Apparently you get kicked out of gay bars if they catch you putting the entire free condom bowl in your purse.
He got a slutty, ugly mother of a 7 year old, and I got a dog that only sleeps and shits on clean clothes. No one won in this break up.
which guy lost his keys in my bed this weekend?
Alive.
So much puke
I made that picture of you my lock screen. So I've just been standing around at work licking my phone all day.
1. I'm excited for tonight 2. Do we dress up as pirates? 3. Happy Valentine's Day bae
It's one PM on a Saturday and I'm sitting here drinking Jack, eating a block of cheese and playing Minecraft. Please tell me you can come drag me to a bar.
Terrible idea I love it
Randomize
