yeah so i didn't even realize i was on meth until the next morning
I just realized I use Twitter to keep of track of when I get drunk.
she is like cheap alcohol. you can only get so buzzed before you get sick.
I have no idea. I woke up naked on someones toilet locked in the bathroom with two baby kittens.
Just traded a samurai sword for some drugs. It's gonna be one random ass night
my liver gets a handicap on account of the whole being diseased thing
Ummmmm okay let's be incredibly straightforward. Hi there. My bed's at half capacity this evening. How'd you like to fill it up?
The doctor that gave me my std test is trying to hook me up with her daughter lol
I woke up with my wool blanket soaking wet on the dorm room floor, and my sweatshirt hanging on the shower door down the hall. So basically my camp-out-in-the-bathroom idea didn't turn out as planned
Woke up in bushes at UT didn't know I was Austin last night
Wow. Memory lane. What a horrendously unsightly jizz stain on the tapestry of life.
I need dunkaroos back in my life.
Just found a note on the bed that said "Dear mittens, had to leave early I'll be back soon."
WTF? Are you mittens?
Thank you for being so charming, but do you have syphilis?
how do you say “i know we haven’t hung out in a month, but i gave myself an amazing orgasm to your picture the other day” without coming on too strong
Randomize