dude i totally did the walk last night came out of her room to see her dad sitting there straight lookin at me...wtf
Crying babies in a bar. Really?
And she just changed the baby's diaper on the table. It's killing the beer garden.
You threw up. And every time you flushed you would wave and go "Bye Bye!" and then when the new water came you would greet it with "Helloooo!"
Funny how often beer equates to second degree burns on some portion of my body.
Either I'm a lot drunker than I thought, or he has three dicks....
I think I'm gonna have to go with the first one...
He's throwing up in my bed and I'm not even getting fucked for this
This is even worse then that time I fucked a guy just because he had air conditioning.
He was spooning with the dog when I came home. Now shes afriad to go near him. Should I ask?
Please collect your boy friend. He semi-passed out on the couch and trying to grab bums as people walk by. Anyone's bum, he's not choosy.
I asked him why the bed was wet and got.."well there are two options... and its not you."
We're going to party like we don't have spanx on
yeah...well...life isn't all puppies & lap dances
You said you couldn't use your body anymore so you made me push the buttons on your phone while you made alien sound effects
he only noticed i dyed my hair purple like halfway through sex and he looked really shocked and he just said "You look like Barney." as he came.
It was a blind-side dick pic.
Randomize
