the last time I saw her she was leaving the mens bathroom and club rush with her dress inside out. typical tease.
Yeah I guess I was Pocahontus. If she were a trifling drunk who hung out in her undies, with possible brain damage.
she just put all the cheese in the refrig to sleep.. and yes we did finish you bottle.
Apparently I ran up to the group of cookie-cutter blonde chicks and screamed "Delta Gamma Nuuuuuuu!" really excitedly and tried to hug them and share fake sorority stories with them.
I can't wait to see her breast feed this thing
Some guy just yelled at me from his car "CLIIIIIIIIIITT"... I feel like this has something to do with last night....
Remind me again why sleeping with a coworker and his wife would be a terrible idea.
How many weeks is it acceptable until I can start bringing freshman back?
You wouldn't be the first friend to shit himself in the last 7 days
I just told a kid I was in a wheelchair because Santa shot me due to me being on the naughty list. You should have seen this little bastards face
Like your dick isn't Beyoncé, it doesn't get close ups
Afterwards I drank a whole bottle of cake vodka in the bathtub while he was bawling his eyes out. Hands down weirdest hookup I've ever had.
She's nice. But even when I am with her I am thinking of her mom, literally the hottest woman on earth.
He's teaching me French for free and I'm giving him blowjobs. Win-win.
I wanted to make my beer stronger so I poured vodka in it. Why god....why
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