White wifebeaters are like orgies with fat people. Enjoyable in private, i'm sure, but in public: no thanksss.
i opened her purse and found 4 bottles of vodka tampons and an unopened box of birth control...
hahaha he is wasted in math class right now and is drawing all the planets in order from the sun
No you can't have a vodka redbull. The pilgrims didn't have vodka redbull.
I will not ride trays down a flight of stairs topless and drunk....
Tell me you remember me getting a tampon from the girl throwing up in the next stall
He called the drink "The Annexation of Puerto Rico". He wouldn't tell us whats in it but said that we should all fear for our lives. Let's do this.
What's a nice way of saying "You fell asleep, and I got bored, so I made out with your brother"?
I demanded respect from my fuck buddy. Drunk me is not fun.
Haga you didnt jbsii whee wu an therer
Party on wayne
i don't even know why we got arrested this time. i think the cops just like our company at this point
So I was bartending last night and this guy w/ his gf said that he recognized me, so I asked him, "do you watch a lot of gay porn?"
if a CSI technician examined our hotel room with a black light he'd think we hit the Pulse button a DNA blender without a lid
Adulthood is weird i just cleared a check larger than my gross income from 2011 but i also just did coke during my lunch break
In the last 3 weeks my drunken adventures have caused me to lose 2 credit cards, one debit card, a bracelet, two purses, and my $500 phone... Maybe i should quit drinking.
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