i should go to a nude beach and wear just a condom, then ill have tan lines on my dick
is it sad that i can masturbate and get my big O just from thinking about a Tiffany engagement ring?
Just got caught pissing on a plant in her room while she was in the shower first word out of my mouth were my bad
I'm driving up the street and can't tell if my ears are actually about to pop or not.
A solid 8.5 on the baked meter, I need to stop.
Michelle asked what I was wearing tonight. I responded with a g-string and plastic wrap. I've gotten no response since.
I CAN CONTROL MY GERBIL WITH MY BREATH. HE FOLLOWS THE SMELL. PROBABLY WOULDNT BE AS EXCITING IF I WASNT HIGH OFF MY ASS, BUT STILL
strip vodka pong is never a good idea. I saw into his colon when he picked up the ball off the floor
I've already come to terms that I'm gonna have to bone a few gross librarians, but hey, it's college
sometimes a perk of being a drug dealer is amazon gift cards. who knew?
I just remembered I did the whole byebyebye dance at the bar
I thought about mashed potatoes the whole way home
I fucked him on shrooms. His dick looked like a missile and he had snakes coming out of his ears. It. Was. AWESOME!
I am still worried she'll have a seizure durring. What would I do? Try to ride it out and finish, or pull out and assist?
who knew being a fake dominatrix could be so fun?
DRUNK COOKIES
Are you drunk or are the cookies drunk or are these cookies that get you drunk?
Yes
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