Dude, she had a vegina. I felt like Indiana Jones cutting a path through the jungle.
I drank it, and now my boss keeps hitting me in the face with beams of light.
Tripping at your desk probably isn't the best plan you've had.
im honestly more upset that i fucked a buckeyes fan than about cheating on my boyfriend...
She said "don't make this weird" and then proceeded to sniff me.
if youre pregnant and ruin my spring break i'll never forgive you.
HES DOING PULLUPS BE STILL MY BEATING HEART
And know that if I ever text "road head?" that it comes from a place of caring and not a place of heartlessness..
The fact that you think I have a life is so flattering to me.
Congratulations, you've begun to unfuck your life.
we superglued breast forms to his chest. those aren't coming off anytime soon.
I just remember lots of butts and something about ranch dressing.
Of course my parents remember you. You showed them your tits
-367$ and a torn scrotum.. Panama wins
So, 'head before the store' turned into a fuck fest, & that's how I ended up at the grocery store smelling like a cum farm on Black Friday. How's your weekend?
I gave Sophia a glitter bomb for Christmas. And before you ask is because she pooped in my cat litter box and then drank all my liquor and didn't pay me back and refuses to acknowledge that she had any wrongdoing. So she gets to clean up glitter for the next 10 years.
Randomize
