there's a girl in the library on mysapce. she must have missed the memo.
I think i'm just gonna start shot-gunning everything that comes in can form.
There was a suspicious looking plate that suggests I may have eaten salad with gravy
I'm lonelier than Tom Hanks in Cast Away, right meow. Ready to make this bong my Wilson.
How did you make it to work sans hangover?
4 words: Clif Bar soaked in tequila. Just like albert pujols
STOP TELLING PEOPLE I PEED ON YOU
Ginormous penis in the breeze, cumming champagne showers into your eye
We waved. But it was a "let's hook up" wave.
I have a callous on the palm of my hand just below my ring finger that is entirely from opening so many beer bottles. I'm strangely proud right now.
There should be a promo code on the Papa Johns website for "I have no moneys but if you send a cute delivery guy I will pay him in blow jobs."
It was all good till you had ppl chasin shots of ciroc with fucking applesauce
Sorry that I was such a monster last night. It was the drugs, I promise.
Aaaaand my mom is wearing jeggings...
That makes sense.. A good Bj is a trump card in any argument
Lmao a dude who just got out of prison said im worth 10 cigarettes in prison...I think that's a compliment
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