i just bought a vibrator and the cashier says "have fun with that." i didnt realise what he said so i responded "you too." and then he gave me his number...
if you can see her tanning goggle line that's officially a deal breaker
I'm ready for my liver to be the last casualty of 2009
I just finished washing your number off of my chest. I'm Bryan by the way.
she's throwing a head of lettuce everywhere shouting HEADS UP and trying to get us to play catch with her. i'm scared.
We knew it was a good time to leave when you spilt the salsa on the ground and were trying to put it back in the jar with your hands
Also, I just realized you seduced me while in a batman onesie... Well done, sir. Well done.
I was so stoned last night I got into an argument with your voicemail message.
In the future, could you not call me 'bro' while we're having sex?
I am the only person I know ever to have been brought TO the bar in the back of a cop a car. Twice.
You FaceTimed me to show me he was sucking your tit
Well, I was asked to leave the Waffle House for "being to physical" so I think that option is off the table
I was desperate and wasn't about to let my cereal get soggy so I ate it on the toilet. Don't let me repeat last night.
Jeff brought me a cup of coffee to my desk. He's getting a blow job.
Its just akward. Everytime he tells me he loves me, I have to respond with, I love having sex with you. and he just stares at me in amazement
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