hey, what are you doing tonight?
sleeping, g'night!
but i wanted to see you :(
sleeping! g'night!(801): i miss you!
stop - you have a right hand - use it!
I'm returning our mountain of beer cans, while wearing a Budweiser sweatshirt. i don't look like an alcoholic.
You're barking up the wrong lesbian.
Should we discuss the rug burns on my back or just save that for a separate conversation
So after I was tied with a feather boa he left me there with KFC and cherry coke
hey you forgot your wet suit in my room you can come grab it whenever
I dont care what I am for halloween, as long as i'm not a father after
I guess the study abroad went badly, I gave him a joint and he just smoked it and cried all the way from the airport
I stole something. Which direction out are you guys gonna go
Just had ice cream and a blow job come together in one glorious, defining moment.
dude you know how i got totally hammered and lost my phone at some frat when i came to visit you two months ago? yeah well someone mailed it back to me in minnesota.. with a picture of a cock as the screen savor
My ex's girlfriend just invited me clubbing. Guess who won the breakup?
my goldfish that i got the day i lost my virginity just died. im terrified as to what this symbolically means for my sex life
Yeah come over whenever. Weed gets here at 8.
I'll be there at 7:59.
If there's someone that knows accidental pantlessness, it's Mike.
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