You know, if there were no such thing as marriage, i don't think porn would exist.
Some dude just bet me $8 I couldn't smoke a pack of cigarettes in an hour...It sounds stupid, but I really wanna do it. If I survive, I'll have $8 and it'll look good on my resume.
I just realized I've stolen a hat from every guy I fucked. Except the last one. Maybe there is hope for me.
Nice. Don't spend your therapist's co-pay on Jaeger bombs.
at what point last night did i decided to have a photo shoot with your camel toe
K, so let's go ahead and say that mcnugget and margarita Tuesday was a bad idea
He's going to be my graduation present to myself.
Wednesday is my day of reflection and making my dick and balls into shapes. So i'll be pretty busy.
just used my amazon order history to figure out my anniversary. I am the most epic/shittiest bf ever...
Hold on. At Sephora trying to decide what despair smells like.
What! You have to go to class. Otherwise, you're wasting money that could have been spent on weed. Gotta get that shit in perspective.
I just fucked her in the corner of an ally while holding a large pizza waiting on a pledge for a ride.
How's everyone else's ass tattoo today?
well I ran around the park drunk with a plastic baby and fell, all while screaming "I WILL PROTECT YOU CARLOS", yeah there's video
For the love of all that is holy just take the tranquilizers Erica
Randomize
