he believed the zit on my nose was a piercing...until he tried to bite it. needless to say he didnt ask for my number
My aunt just said- "pizza is like sex. Even if it ain't good it ain't bad." Obviously she doesn't know us too well.
my hot student got the clitoris wrong on the lab practical...so it kinda makes me not want to pursue it
just because he can't find it on a cat, doesn't mean he can't find it on you
My bosses just told me they met their wives on one night stands. I'm stoked.
Before you say anything, my vagine does NOT discriminate against young dads
I had to take the fire extinguisher from him. He was just sitting on the floor petting it.
Thanks man, but unless some hot chick comes in to work with a case of beer and offers me a head job, I'm pretty much screwed for New Years
I honestly think she should have her own reality show called "Lowering the Bar" and it consists of a camera crew following her from Bar to bar hooking up with unsuspecting drunk attractive men.
I really have to stop having sex with people I sell drugs to...it feels unprofessional
look for me at the Giants game I will possibly be the drunk girl passed out by 2nd
Well you know I have tits so that's half the battle
slept at my ex’s house last night and as i was leaving his brother was sitting there on the sofa and said “bet you regret that one don’t ya”
let your parents know i'm sorry i ran around the house pretending their metal detector was a "booze detector"
Get your dick back in here. On Saturdays, you're not allowed to leave my bed unless it's to make me bacon or coffee.
It's like a donut of clothes around a pair of heels. Like they were transported to another dimension naked.
Randomize
