we're microwaving frozen margaritas its not the same without u
Tonight's Real World episode reinforced the well-known fact that men of any caliber can hook up with girls named "Crystal"
Nicole wore just a belt and her pedometer and hopped on top of me last night. She "walked" 822 steps before we finished.
New charity walk idea!
he opened up his "box of magic": a crusty tube of KY jelly, three expired condoms, a fingertip vibrater, and a jar of marshmallow fluff.
That's saying a lot from the girl who takes her liquor with her to the library
Oh and jess is gonna pee in our guest bedroom to mark her territory.
God that barista is texting me bout his life like i care i mean dude just hook me up with free coffee thats why i gave you my number
No no no...you park the car, stick your tongue down his throat, slip your number in his pocket, invite him to insomnia, and THEN LEAVE. You go from awkward to epic in a matter of seconds.
In complete seriousness I think I am the highest person on earth
When you sober up and come in here, I'm in your bed because you pissed on me in mine. So fuck. Off.
You're wrong. It's my BIRTHDAY. We all know it's impossible to get pregnant on my diva day!
I'm only wearing socks and eating tuna, don't do this to me right now.
Crust to egg proportion prescribes to a pedantic form of quiche. It's like saying breakfast pizza isn't pizza at all.
Let's just wait to see what happens before we start making radical plans and starting fires
Why would you ask him if you could lick his chest?
He has a very lickable chest
Randomize
