Everyone knows that the fastest route to a corporate advancement is to take a shot in the mouth
You smell like a Billy Joel song
i feel like im playing gay clue. i have to figure out where i am, who took me home, and what he put in me
it felt like a thousand fairies were licking my balls.
Mom just apologized for her lack of a gag reflex not being genetic.
Correct me if I'm wrong, but I did not stop moving last night. If tequila gives me that extra push to have an active lifestyle, so be it.
Last time I stayed at my moms my fucking car got set on fire sooo maybe I should think this through.
he fucked me to the beat of the construction going on outside my house. i will never look at jackhammers the same ever again.
I am broke enough to accept it. If I get poisoned, you can have my shoes
HE TALKS ABOUT HIS DICK IN THIRD PERSON ABORT MISSION ABORT FUCKING MISSION
He yelled "I'm Bruce Springsteen!" when he came. This is why I don't sleep with guys from Jersey.
I'm never celebrating Galentine's Day again. It was a whorrific mess.
I mean I've only met the girl once and she was trying to slit some guys tires.
I’ve chosen to watch a Mercedes station wagon drive around the Austrian in the rain because it’s live sports. If that doesn’t explain 2020, I don’t know what does.
I think my roomie is silently judging me for spraining my foot by having sex in a bounce house
so the bounce house and tequila was good idea then?
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