the chick you hooked up with on my couch facebook friended me.
just thought you should know her name is kristen
I told him I don't date guys unless they play a musical instrument. So, he's here and he brought a kazoo.
The bar posted my picture because my name changes with each new fake i get. i'm getting a wig.
I kept trying to give you water and you kept spitting it back at me. You looked like a camel. People were staring
so do you, all the weight can't fall on me. I'll befriend a ball pit owner if you will befriend a drug dealer. teamwork.
I'm in charge of his party but you're a paramedic, we're both needed.
You were fine, but your knee injury definitely came from interpretive dancing like a gay fairy with lead wings all around the Mission St BART. Everyone thought you were on drugs.
AMERICA LOVES YOU. RIDE THAT DICK LIKE PAUL REVERE RODE HIS HORSE SO MANY YEARS AGO
I bought Plan B for the first time and an interview outfit today. You could say my life is improving.
He's driving 2 hours to visit me and he's bringing weed. I love him so much.
You said, "I'll have this whole island inside of you by 6 AM. Just point out who you want and I'll make it happen."
He named his newborn baby after a character in the Hobbit and that is literally keeping me up at night.
I just found a nug casually in my room under my duffel bag. Is this a sign I need help?
I wasnt 2 drunk i sobered up around the time we were shooting the fire extinguishers
Dude my roommate just peed out the window
Randomize
