On friday while at the hotel bar by myself (creepy) I made friends w/ a millionaire who said he may be running for the position of mayor in richmond va (likely a lie). At one point during our discourse he asked if I was crazy. In the effort of full disclosure I looked him in the eye and said yes
I don't know what prompted his inquiry, clearly this man had impeccable intuition
You can call me Bill Clinton. I brought 2 good looking Asians home last night.
halloween is SO much better on drugs, why didn't anyone let us know about this when we were kids
I feel like hell. The amount of black beans I found in my hair tells me I hit rock bottom
His new job just became new places to have sex at.
She wasnt impressed wen i brought a guy for her back with me, a 3am impromptu sperm donor is not a gd birthday present. Im a bad gf.
I feel like death gave me a hand job
On the bad side I puked, but on the bright side I puked lettuce which was a new experiance
Want to run by the liquor store later? Tequila Youn should really be in attendance at Party Mountain. No one else could be our spirit animal.
Saw a girl lying on her back next to a fire hydrant. Not sure if passed out drunk or sleeping under the stars
wait nvm its a dude
You just managed to turn Dr. Seuss into a sext. I really like you now.
All boys are excommunicated from my vagina until further notice.
I'm trying to drink up the confidence to run in public.
We fucked to Bonnie Tyler in my car. He's the one.
Don't do it. He's got a dick the size of a baseball bat. You don't want that commitment.
I have to. For the sake of science.
Randomize