the new term for farting is butt boxing.
omg this kid i'm babysitting is making a penis out of playdough ahhhh.
He just rolled me a 'baby penis' as opposed to his 'big boy' penis that he crafted...he just demanded that I roll him a penis.
the lighter is IN the bong. I don't know what to do
its not fair. if i was a guy, i'd be getting a high five for banging two in one night.
The higher i get, the less gay he looks, and the more i want to make out with him. This is dangerous.
maybe if i keep dancing i won't throw up
I think i blacked out...but i remember licking your teeth
Two words. Shotgunning Cognac.
This has already gotten way out of hand
It's Saturday night and I'm sitting on my couch by myself, watching Glee, and drinking gin and tonics. If you listen very closely, you can hear the wails of my mother giving up hope that I will ever give her a son-in-law.
Awee what are you going to name your new dog?
What dog?
Tequila is gods way of telling you don't fuck with tequila
...Just this whole adulting thing gets in the way of mermaid drag shows at lesbian bars.
You were in no condition to manage a 3-way.
We were dancing and then he pointed to the club floor and there was money that I dropped everywhere. That was the nicest thing someone has ever done for me.
It’s a good thing I’m the only one in the office today. My boy toy stopped by and now there is jiz all over my desk and couch
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