You should just wear a sign that says "I like cheap Chinese food and anal"
I like taco bell too
you won't ask to borrow his earbuds because you think it's gross, but you'll have sex with him?
Ambien does the same to me. One time that I took it, I got this huge bowl of spaghetti out of the fridge and thought it was a castle and that the meatballs were little slaves. I ate all of them first and then the noodles were the soldiers and the sauce was the water in the moat. And when I finished, I fell up the stairs and threw it all up.
I looked her in the eye and told her I was 'balls deep' in love with her...She said that wasn't saying much. Time to drink away the sadness...
I hope this doesn't become one of those friendships where we dont have sex
Somehow after we left in 3 different cars to all go to different places we still all ended up in the emergency room
I need to have sex with you on our hotel room window ledge... This is a need not a request.
Man, I must say, having known you since preschool, Eiffel-Tower-ing her would've fully completed our journey to brotherhood.
He told me the color of his piss. Worst. First date. Ever.
It's now 8:05 on a Wednesday night and I'm already going home with my bra in my purse.
You had two tasks: \n1) put on a condom \n2) text me so I don't walk in on you \nIt really isn't that hard
Package arrived for me from the gf while she's on vacation..under the bed bondage kit and new lingerie...my boner could drive to the airport
I just found a voice recording from Tanya's bachelorette party when we found you drunk in downtown being harassed by a crazy dude dressed like a clown and we rescued you. Attached is a voice recording of me interviewing you after we found you. I titled it Carlos Batman.
I woke up with a black eye and a buttplug...not sure I really want to know what happened.
What do you bring to an "I'm getting divorced party?"
.......Shattered dreams and tequila?
Randomize
