yea and when she crawled to her room she yelled at a bookbag to "get the fuck out my way"
i just used a pokemon card to do blow. i need an adult. now.
imagine if the morning after your status automatically updated with the name of the person you hooked up with
yup. cregs moms pubic hair is still glued to the celing
maybe almost giving yourself a concussion counter acts a hangover
As added birth control I warned him that if he knocked me up tonight I would name the baby Truck.
I LEAVE YOU TWO ALONE FOR 45 MINUTES AND ALL MY WHIPPED CREAM AND CONDOMS ARE GONE
I am so excited I do not know how I will sleep.
It's like the Christmas morning of dicks
I'm going to give blood tomorrow. Prepare yourself for pictures and a cynical poem about the heart and its level of tangibility.
Did you miss the part about my hangover needing a day to rest?
Let's say hypothetically if you were going to put icing on a penis and then lick it clean...what would you ice it with? Not a knife right?
I asked her if she could eat some Doritos so when we made out it would taste awesome
Is it weird that the best sex I've ever had was to Barbara Streisand's Christmas album?
I feel like I should treat myself every time I find out I'm not pregnant. Is there a pie company that delivers??
I'm a shining star this evening. Dancing with a cane in rite aid now. I should be kept under survaillance.
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