his internet history is a lot of porn, how to make a hovercraft and side-effects of jacking off too much
I just had someone call me out on a walk of shame via megaphone
just saw a girl come out of the tanning bed room on crutches, now thats determination
today was the first day of rush. talking to girls all day makes me sick of having a uterus.
So i know you wont get this until you land, but if i'm late its cause i was having sex. being blunt and hope that explains things.
It wasn't until that morning that I realized I wasn't actually dreaming, finding myself in the bathtub with someone laying on me
He was drinking a long island through his Breathalyzer tube.
There is a literally infinite number of spliffs going around this table.
Delicious
I feel like I'm at a sushi bar with a spliff belt.
Friends don't let friends drunk sleep in the dorm common room
Someone came in the potted fern
Awkward drunk fist bump with the boss. Not sure if tomorrow will be weird or wonderful.
I saved him in my phone as "Well-Hung Burrito Savior." I love Taco Tuesday.
One of the finest moments in my life was when I was puking in between my legs as I was shitting, and thought to myself "hmm this shall be called shomiting."
My last memory of last night was being in a laundry room doing blow and admiring a washer and dryer... I think that's the earmark of old age
If i'm not ready, make sure i'm alive. Not passed out dead in the shower.
I'll still do breakfast to celebrate the life you've had.
Randomize
