The required reading for this week is a paper about birds called great tits. Let's see my TA keep a straight face through this discussion.
I knew I was in the wrong bar when "I have a daughter your age" was some random's pick up line.
when she started singing "you look better when im drunk" to my cat i realized it was time to take her home
I have no idea what happened after 2 AM. I woke up on my bike, in my bed, with a deep thigh bruise.
One step ahead. Always. Roses are red, violets are blue... I'm gonna fuck you with a rake.
Aren't you proud to know somebody who texts you "manifold facade" while dumping frozen colada mix into a blender of rum
I'm just going to have crazy good sex with him until one of us developed feelings that works in the movies right?
Took pain meds with RumChata this morning. It's like morning milk but better
I was gonna jerk off, but then I thought about that movie last night and it killed that idea. I have serious boner trauma.
Just dropped the most perfectly rolled joint into the toilet I just finished taking a shit in, hadn't even had time to flush, 5 second rule?
No!
Had a one night stand and didnt remember the guys name until he started sending me poems in the mail.
I literally forgot every French word I knew and blurted out “mange moi” so he went down on me like I was some baguette fresh outta the oven!!!! I passed out.
He eats ass but won’t hold open doors. My kinda guy.
Chivalry really is dead.
You’ll lick BBQ off my cock but no ketchup on a hotdog?
I often wonder if we’re introverted extroverts, but I don’t think so. I think we’re just easily tired scumbags
Randomize
