Please sleep at your girlfriend's tonight
Why?
'Cause I wanna jack off tonight.. And you being in the room makes things awkward
It's like God knew that was my ex's best friend and punished me. I've never vomited that much in my life.
someone needs to make a hangover cure that isn't cocaine.
So he told me he wanted to fertilize my caviar. Im avoiding all foreign exchange students from now on.
This is one of those moments when you do what I say or I come stalk you down like a gazelle.
I'm currently trying to decide if crown or wild turkey will hurt worse coming back out through my nose later.
...if you're living vicariously thought me, that was a great blow job you just gave in the B&N parking lot.
There's hot sauce all over my mirror, lamp shade and dresser. Also it's your turn for weed
Hooked up with an ex Playgirl model. I feel like the universe just high-fived me for staying sober.
He's thawing a cheesecake on his stomach. We're that high.
I assume some self respect is too lofty of a gift idea
It was 6am and he went immediately for the 69. WTF?? 6am is WAY to early for acrobatics.
I hate who I am becoming
I think of it as growth but I also hate who I am becoming as well
Married dude I had an affair with 10yrs ago was at table next to us at dinner last nite. My mom asked him to take a pic of us & then commented how cute he was as they left. Do I tell her he’s got a huge D too?
you had her IN YOUR BED NO PANTS AND YOU GAVE HER THW BOOT?!?!?!
Stage five clinger bro. had to go.
Randomize
