I'm stoned and have been watching so many cartoons that I changed the channel and real people were on, and it scared me
You're cordially invited to the love nest for alcoholic and aquatic adventures. Also known as an all expense paid trip to my pool, alcohol, and vagina.
But seriously, I hug most of my drug dealers.
Just called a girl a cunt over peanuts. I think we both know it wasn't just about the peanuts.
Im at that shitty point in my day where I start planning night activities while finger dipping vyvance off of my desk, you got any plans?
I'd rather be sodomized with a fullly decorated Christmas tree.
420 is off to a bad start. Mark wake/baked WAY too much, and he has spent over $50 on the claw machine in the grocery store.
Hi, my name is Ashslay and I'll be your designated shitshow.
i fell out of the car and didnt spill my drink. come overrrr
truly a win in your book
I'm drunk from drinking bourbon out of a "cupcake sippy cup" at the Denny's bar. What the fuck happened to the goals I had?
I told him I was ready for another round and he said, "after this part." What guy chooses James Bond over pussy?!
When campus security rolled up he stole their car and drove it like 100 feet. Then he walked up and gave back the keys because it was a hyundai.
I just realized now that I slept with him while he was still wearing the maid costume... I've reached a new level of sexual freakness.
Whose house did we sneak into and play beer pong for 4 hours at last night?
I honestly have no idea
Having sex with him is like yoga. I do it in the morning and then can't walk for three days afterwards.
Randomize
