when i got to my bed there was a handwritten note that said "wash the sheets." sleeping on the couch.
I am swimming in semen. He must have been holding it in for a special occasion.
No, dude. Even Jesus hates Creed.
Dude. I tried to convince her to eat poprocks and give me a blowjob. It did not work out well.
started her walk of shame as my mom and dad walked through my common room door...my dad held the door for her and told her to have a nice day
The stoners next door have their couch on the sidewalk again, shirtless, soaking their feet in a baby pool and listening to loud ukulele music. I want their life.
As I was going down on her I noticed she had a tatoo on her inner thigh that said "Eat it like your birthday cake".
I just saw a guy in a sombrero and holding an inflated blow-up doll in all her "glory" get escorted out of the mall. I hate Marley.
i want to be friends with one of those mini shredded wheat men.
How's my date look?
Like a retarded elf
In a good way
I'm trying to get fucked by 4 girls here, and you're worried about verb tenses?!
being serenaded is actually kind of awkward 2/10 do not reccommend
He's such a neat freak that he started making the bed while I was still laying on it naked. He succeed in case you were wondering.
quickly learned not to sleep with your roommate and work colleague in the same week
He's a college graduate, has an excellent job, and respects his family. To say nothing of his 8.5 inch cock. His narcolepsy not withstanding...I'm marrying this motherfucker.
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