Loo but I'm already drunk TINIGHT! CAPS ATTACK
I don't know where I am, but its a Goosebumps novel waiting to happen.
I'm also 95% sure I had a conversation with someone on how hard it would be to jerk off with out opposable thumbs
Do you knowwwwww you never ha to pee while lhr on eztacy
Well I consider my vagina a dear friend. She treats me good I treat her good. We work together. Glad we could be of service.
My liver just had a heart attack.
Bailing my boss from jail at five in the morning.. If thats not a promotion I don't what is.
All i remember is you yelling at a stop sign and the rest is a blur
I think it was clear she was setting us up when she brought me over to you and said "Present!"
The last thing I remember is singing hotel California with a hobo and asking every bald man I saw if I could touch his head.
I mean in all honesty I would let James Franco shit on my chest. End of story
It's hard to talk dirty with a mouth full of peanut butter
You know it was a good dinner party when one of the guests broke their finger and no one can remember how it happened.
All I ever wanted was my bed, Tylenol, and total darkness. Instead I had a pervert with porno posters who blares german rock calling me tootsie pop. How was your saturday night?
So today the police came to my dorm to look for weed, i didn't have any in the room, so i let them in. they apologized for any inconvenience and then left after finding nothing. then i realized i was wearing gauges with weed leaves on them lol
Randomize
