Watching Miami Social reminded me of how much I miss snorting coke with burger king straws in a life guard hut on the beach until we noticed someone was drowning.
Did you save them?
Who?
I like daylight savings. I don't care if it's 4 oclock it's not daydrinking if it's dark out
seek help.
When i walked in, you were in bed with a hot chick rolled up in a green blanket and said you were acting like a caterpillar..
I was about to watch some really classy porn. Title was ravenous for dick. I didnt know pornstars knew ravenous was a word.
It was either a cute kinda butch tomgirl or a really fem guy. Either way, I made out with it. Bisexuality, my best friend.
that bitch in the red sedan is still teasing me with the ice cream cone. i'm going to show her my dick
Legitimate logistical question....how did you pee in your duct tape dress?
The only thing I remember is vomiting and then feeding my dog a Mcdonalds cheeseburger and telling him yolo
We had to go to his parents last night for dinner & ended up having a quickie in the bathroom while everyone else was outside smoking.. This is why we have a successful marriage.
I don't listen when you talk. I just try to find new creative ways to get you to send me naked pictures.
Also, I want you to know, that not only am I apparently the expert on sexting. Our bishop is consulting me later. So my talents are varied.
We're so stoned that were both cuddling on the couch and crying over Forest Gump while eating popcorn. She asked me if I'd fuck away the sadness. I think she's serious.
All is fair in love and war and toga parties
You were definitely drunk. You gave him an otphj in front of everyone.
Two of the boys I banged while living in that house are about to move into it hahhaaha
Randomize
