I have nothing to say, just wanted ur phone to vibrate
I just made a moltov cocktail out of lubricant and a christmas bulb. The fire is still going strong. MERRY CHRISTMAS
TRUE LIFE: my roommate is growing a bush.
better yet, TRUE LIFE: my roommates boyfriend begged her to grow a bush.
She was wasted. Kept yelling "what if I'm pregnant" and trying to push me into the tree. First and last time I bring a girl to my family christmas party.
no jill really. Evrything around me is talking to me. The plant, my dog, the tv,the lamp. Its amazing.
Do you have any idea how hard it is to hit on your nurse while getting an HIV test.
After some trial and error I found soaking my balls in maple syurip helps ease the pain.
I'm offering you baseball tickets and my vagina, isn't that enough?
I know. I feel like I should be doing mature responsible adult things though. Like getting loans, working 60 hours every week and not eating burritos in bed, ya know?
Beer and xanax may be a bad combo, but I don't really care due to the beer and the xanax.
Oh I fucked him, definitely. We played Strip Halo.
Do it break your family into faction start a civil war
i am currently wearing a bowl of frosting on my head. i do not regret any of my life choices leading to this moment
It started off with wine and ended up with me in only my pearls and heels. It was about the classiest sexual experience I've ever had.
is it weird that i just witnessed the marriage of someone ive had sex with on multiple occasions?
Randomize
