is it really this hard to find a guy i can fuck and have a good time with who doesn't ask where things are going btwn us?
you sound like my dream girl
He has been begging me for a Bj but doesnt want to get mono
How is he gunna get mono? is he gunna suck on his dick after you?
Apparently senior citizens don't like that position
were lost, were cold and we don't know what to do with the stray cat we found.
No it's ok. I made friends with the guy that always wears helmets to the bar. His name is helmet Harry
Way too stoned bro. Was laying down on my back and thought for a good 30 mins what it would be like to be a turtle stuck on its shell
You can't mix blow jobs, bacon, and Star Wars.
A) just did. And b-z) that sounds like a great Sunday morning.
We had sex twice and at Wendy's how dare you diminish that.
You came home screaming the lyrics to Drunk in love, and dumped wine on me when I said you would never be Beyoncé
I just got high and swiffered the bathroom floor....2 for 2 on brilliant life ideas
I'm just sitting here drunk and eating peas because my life sucks
I'm just gonna ride this ego train to sex town
next time you go get food at three am and leave a rando here can you warn me??? Also i tazed him. but it was just my little one so i think he'll be fine. bring me some fries.
You should've seen the look on the guys face when I demanded pho and a beer the second they opened. Obviously he doesn't understand hangovers
There's a point in life when you've got to take dick like a big girl.
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