he walked in on you at the party drunkenly dancing alone on the bed wearing mardi gras beads, sunglasses, and using one ski pole as a microphone.... and you STILL got laid. i dont get your life.
Whoa, Gary Coleman died
Whatchu talkin bout?!?!
Too soon.
the black eye was caused by a 12 year old girl in a vampire costume who punched you in the face after you aggresively screamed "TEAM JACOB!" in her face & howled at the moon...
I just compared drinking to love. How do these people not know I'm an alcoholic?
GOOD NIGHT DREAM OF ALCOHOL SNO CONES
This is the moment in my life where I take a fork in the "nice guy" road ive traveled for 23 years and fuck everything in sight that doesnt have herpes, or is in-between flare ups and I don't know about it until my dick is on fire.
Nobody is stopping the marines from drinking in class on veterans day. They literally brought a cooler with a bottle of whiskey and vodka on ice. And are passing out red cups to anyone interested. Staying in Vegas for college has officialy become an A+ decision
The cute guy in my class hurt himself and is on crutches. My first thought was "Good. He'll be easier to take down." Like he's a gazelle and I'm a dick tiger. What's wrong with me?
He looks like he's going to feed me a taco and then stab me. It's probably a good idea he's a lawyer
i swear to god if you did anything to my honey bunches ill remove all the oats and shove them up your dickhole then play pinata with my foot to knock them all back out
He tried to make small talk to hide the fact that he was struggling to unhook my bra... at least he tried right?
Was looking through my phone and saw that drunk me took a tit pic in the Denny's bathroom..
I almost had a threesome in a giant beanbag chair. I love college.
I'm dangerously close to tossing this whole "morals" bullshit and swan-diving into the fuckboy lifestyle.
Sorry I’m late. Got horny watching the traffic report and had to rub one out
Randomize
