I figured girls wouldn't be down to sleep w/ a guy who plugged a pregnant chick
I'm gonna do things to you that will make the neighbors want to move.
I went from sexy to sloppy in a matter of minutes
just got high and bedazzled my bra. other than bleeding from the prongs life is so good.
counting down the days left of school on my birth control packet.
I shouldn't have had sex with her. I feel that I may have opened a pandora's vagina
I should probably go to bed before I start to care about why I started drinking in the first place.
do we own a ladder
We do not.
then how am i on the roof
think I signed up for a 5k last night while blackout.
Judging by the progress I've made since I woke up (none) I'm thinking this hangover may keep me in bed.
Yeah I would come and meet you but there's 3 polish girls yelling at a drunk polish guy in the carpark outside. They just dumped a whole pizza over his head and I want to see where this ends...
the amount of 23-year-old guys who have seen me naked is starting to get a little worrying
Hey, you know that marble art statue thing in your bedroom? Hypothetically what would happen if a penis got stuck in it?
I just got offered free tattoos if I smuggle some guns from OKC to Dallas for a guy in the hells angels
Stop letting me drink while doing my makeup. I think I used sharpie for eyeliner.
Randomize
