Is it really that bad? I heard it was like pooping. I like pooping.
He tried to blame not having a condom on the economy.
My farts smell like St. Pauli Girl. Last night was too much for a Monday.
his mom and i are swapping prescript pills..totally mother in law material.
Also, new rule: You are no longer allowed to send me a text with the word "dildo" in it before 10am.
i dont care how hungover you are, go back to the frat house and get him. HE IS 11.
all i remember was you yelling "look at my little feet" at everyone on the way home from the bar.
I just canoed to the bar. I am a skilled drunk paddler.
When he goes down on me, he stares me in the eyes like a shark mocking it's prey as it devours it. Plus, his beard smells like dirty gym socks. This has got to end.
Yehhhaaww I'm way ahead of you. I'm gunna get her a card that says " I'm sorry your now ex boyfriend decided to upgrade"
I manage to fit my wine bottle in my koozie and the rest is history
He finger blasted me like an angel dude
Beer. Pizza. Seething Rage. I will be full of two of these things tonight. You get to decide which two.
After we finish having sex, he smokes an honest to God pipe. It's like fucking a big, sexy Sherlock Holmes...
I mean...if Marco gets pregnant, it is either the spawn of Satan or the second coming of Christ (neither of which I want in my life). So let's just hope that he doesn't grow a womb and that we don't have to consider either option.
Randomize
