I was just at the urinal, started to go, then farted, then said oh yea out loud, then heard someone move in the stall behind me
To bright to open both eye. Get pizza and put in feeding tube so i can sleep more
i can't believe he got me to come over to him by waving a natty light at me.
He said he's gonna start calling me "Benny" because we're "friends with bennyfits"
I had to sleep with my math professor to pass algebra. Apparently my blowjobs are only C+ quality
Most eventful shower ever. Jacked off, peed and puked in there.
You almost make it sound as if getting an education to further your career is more important than beer and tacos.
EVERYONE IS SPEAKING SPANISH. I ONLY KNOW HOLA.
I cannot even describe to you the most amazing ass I have ever had the pleasure of seeing walk up the stairs in front of me just now.
Do you still have "be bumpin" written on your ass in glitter pen? Who brings a glitter pen to a bar? Or pulls there ass out for that matter...
Six words: 3rd Degree Burn On My Dick
I got really upset about missing him last night when I was demonstrating penis sizes of the people I've slept with using a tape measurer to my roommates
I'm so glad you support me having casual sex with your uncle
Your dad was just slow dancing with the priest and holding a beer. Classic
sarahs drunk and is drawing dinosaurs all over the apartment. should i stop her?
whats she drawing them with?
eyeliner
no that's ok
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