idk hes just been lookin at me weird all night
he probably just wants to cut your skin off and wear you like a body suit
the liability waiver did not state that i couldn't bring my bottle of wine in the bouncy castle. it did Not.
Let's pretend this is a good idea before I change my mind.
smell my finger.
You know its bad when convincing your mother you were masturbating is the better alternative
I just found puke in my bra..
I love how my cats smell like pot.
Just got booked to do a bachelorette party for a polygamist wedding. And notice I only text you to rub things in your face and show you my life shits on yours. Daily.
Out of beer. Salsa pong. Never again.
We just set the fire alarm off with a fog machine. What's my first instinct? Finish my drink. I think I handled that correctly.
Dude imagine how many pictures of dicks Obama gets. That can't be unusual. Almost every kids in the US has written the president a letter.
Have you ever had chicken nuggets while high? Because it tastes like hearing the Beatles for the first time
It's just great that Easter is on 4/20 this year. Now everyone can enjoy the Easter egg hunts. And being around my whole family.
why is there glitter IN my vagina????
And I broke things off with Justin last night. Except I texted him while he was asleep and then I was like well, that's probably not what he wants to wake up to, so I sent him a picture of the coconut I microwaved and caught on fire when I was really high one time.
Randomize
