Sorry, its so late. Remember your fat friend with huge boobs. i need her number..its an emergency
My Higher Power is John Stamos
He's getting better. i'm using GuitarHero to teach him how to finger me. My clit = the red tab.
know what turns me on? long, stringy hair on a pasty looking girl with an overstuffed backpack and kneepads over her jeans in case she falls off her scooter
your less of a man for seeing that
you had sex with a 30 year old who doesn't have a cell phone but does have an 8 year old son.
he's 29.
my car smells like vomit and bananas. this can't really be my life.
Oh God! I'm naked from the waist down playing records. Too drunk. I don't even know what to do.
Balls out but with a shirt on. Eating ravioli. I don't know how to deal with this.
You looked at my sister and yelled at her saying in a couple of years she will be yours
He said you stopped mid-fuck, called fives on his dick, walked out to grab another drink, and came back.
When did we convert life to cartoon?
Yes, he does have a boomerang dick. No matter how many times I throw it away, it keeps coming right back and winds up hitting me in the head.
He sent me a dick pic from his living room and it has pictures of his three kids in the background
CALL ME OLD FASHIONED BUT PEE IS FOR TOILETS
HIGH AS FUCK. JUST WATCHED THE TRIPPIEST VIDEO EVER. IM NOT SCARED OF PANDAS. I GOTTA GO. TRIPPIN AGAIN
He broke through his window then signed his name on the biggest peice of glass from it. I think they framed it and named it 'best party ever'
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