I feel like im in a tornado of daylight savings, tequila and death
I left a cheeto on everyone's car trailing to the house i'm at, hanzel and gretel style.
Is he smart?
Why would i know that. That would deal with the top half of his body. I only deal with the bottom half.
he kept his composure pretty well until he puked on the cop car
I took my pants off in the cab and tried to bite his ear. Not going oout for awhile
I've never played a more sexually-tense game of Uno in my life.
I'm not being over dramatic, but I think my heart is going to stop beating.
it's my favorite when the couple downstairs are having sex so loud that i feel like I'm part of a threesome
second-hand sex is fun, isn't it?
I am not betting on the failure of any friend that is not you.
I'm hurting so bad I actially had to wait for my mini wheats to get soggy before I could eat them..
I wonder if you're allowed to smoke pot at Denver bronco games now...
I just got hit on at the bar by a guy who used his mother as a wingman, she was pretty convincing. Only in Stratford.
I'm going to write a new song and call it "Did I wax my vagina for this?" remind me to never go across the country for a penis ever again.
I swear to god....if you can give yourself a brazilian you can take a fucking bullet
It's almost like he's actually taking my commentary and criticism to heart, but simultaneously succumbing to some primal urge to wear less clothing each time.
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