I'm at his house. He has VELCRO shoes. I'm too desperate to leave...I may need help in thee life dept
new low: just stole a ciggarette from a bum sleeping on the side of the street.
ohh what kind?
Never name a vibrator after ashton kutcher
My Hamptons summer hookup resume reads like a walk-in clinic waiting list.
I love online classes. Spent the last part of my lecture taking apart a teabag and filling it with weed.
We need to either drink and not go to waffle house or go to waffle house and not drink. I need to know which is causing these shits.
Margaritas are 250 calories. Now measuring all food in margaritas
Mixed review. I fucked her in the river, but then we were assaulted by ducks.
he gave me a thermos so I could take my coffee with my on drive of shame. I was unexpectedly grateful...
Well at least the house will be decorated when u get evicted.
I'm high. Everything has a 45° angle. That is as far as my eyes open
It turns out my English teacher used to pose for Playboy. She's an inspiration.
Definitely had a dick in my ass while watching the Seahawks win. Best NFC Championship game ever.
UPDATE: IM NOT A TEEN MOM LETS GO PARTY
Turns out he's not a Doctor Who fan, I mumbled Alons-y as I went down on him. He asked who Alan was. No more drunk sex for me!
Randomize