Sometimes when I see pregnant women, I wonder what position they were in when they got knocked up. Then I gag a little.
he just watched a baby story on tlc while high and just called me screaming he never wants me to get pregnant
then he said we can't have sex anymore because ill hate him.
Hooked up with my old baby sitter last night, so what do I do? As I was sucking her tits I decided it would be a good idea to say " goo goo gah gah"....it wasn't a good idea.
That weatherman I hooked up with is on TV again
its official. the only way for my hair to look good is to blow somebody
No, this is non-alcoholic oatmeal.
He looks like he'd be great Lego character.
Woke up this morning buried in a mountain of chex mix and bubble wrap. We must have been doing something great last night
I think it's awesome that you're getting shower sex advice from a Mormon.
I sat on my couch last night watching What Women Want, eating ice cream, and sobbing "why doesn't she like me?" Why was I born a man?
Last night I dreamt that I sold my car and used the money to have wheels surgically implanted in my feet and legs so I became a human heely and I just rolled everywhere
So apparently there is enough alcohol to get me to agree to going to a strip club, but when I have enough they don't let me in.
apparently when she asked me how drunk I was on a scale of 1-10, I answered "bitch I'm fabulous" and tried to do a sassy hairflip. but I have short hair.
I'm sure as hell not getting hoodwinked into going back to rehab again
It's been THREE DAYS. Why do I still have the munchies?!
Randomize