I totally ignored my nose and drank sour milk this morning. The tupid carton said 4/22/09. i puked everywhere..
My drunk dialing habit needs to go. My drunk habit can stay though.
dude do u know what u did last night?
do i wanna know???
you totally walked in on some couple fuckin in their unlocked dorm room asking for directions to ur room...
i was puking in the toilet, he walked in and to talk to me and started puking in the sink.. Could this be my perfect man??
Jerking off has been your answer to everything tonight.
seeing an 80 year old woman puke in the bushes changes everything...
that's spring break in florida for ya
Im beginning to think that if I ever write an autobiography it will have to be mostly fill in the blank.
Yeah i knew he wasn't okay when he told me he was "seeing his vision"
Then she yelled something like "YOU HAVE SO MANY FORKS!" before collapsing on the floor
Well my sources tell me she just happens to appear in an episode girls gone wild.
I know someone that will spend hours looking for her. He also has many of said movies. And I will do it for free!
I woke up this morning to a lot of blurry photos of a swan i must have chased down the riverbank and a handbag full of loose haribo.
A guy with a mustache poured a beer down your throat while you had a crippled boy named Sunshine riding your back
Just thought of the perfect gift for mom.... how about not telling her about my fourth open intoxicant ticket I got last night?
Alex I've come up with a new medical condition. dick depression. it's a real thing and I have it
And pointless. I'm fully vested in all my calories coming from booze today. The salad just fucks that shit up
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