Fuck that. Livers are so overdramatic and attention hungry.
I literally just saw a campus policeman riding a Segway pull over a moving car. you should just give up.
my Prof for my bio lab has his lab coat collar popped. it's 8 am and im too hungover for this guy
it's already thursday and i haven't gotten drunk yet...something's not right.
He threw me out a window and then threw raw ground beef at us. Normally you'd hate someone for that, but that guy's great.
You had us pull over so you could pee, you proceeded to pee in some random persons front yard while yelling "im not ashamed"
She told me she was eating frosting, then I got the weirdest boner ever
Just saw a guy I fucked in a clown suit in the bar. It's not Halloween. I have got to start making better life decisions.
Unless your apartment has 3 am pancakes Im not coming over.
I got really upset at the McDonald's worker. They should serve nuggets 24/7. Apparently 5am is breakfast for some people.
blowjobs from left handed girls are noticably better than from righties. these are the most important things I've learned this semester
Btw I'm already known as the drunk roommate. Don't know if that's a success or a failure seeing as it hasn't even been a week since I've been here
Woke up this morning to a bunch of snapchats of you drunkenly yelling at grasshoppers. Good night?
My roommate has a sixth sense about my jerking off and walks in EVERY. SINGLE. TIME.
I know you’re not my dad, but you’re someone dad. And you’re also like a second dad to me who I also send nudes to as well. Happy Father’s Day
Randomize
