gin and tonic in a mug. no limes so im using canned madarin oragnes. classy or trashy?
homeless.
Any particular reason you put 2 smashed up limes in my back pocket last night?
i just went through and liked all 1,239 of her pictures instead of writing my english paper. don't tell her, i want her to be surprised
Cause i'm hanging over the toilet bowl and thinking about your ball in my mouth is not helping
ever have one of those nights where you feel like you should leave the house with your insurance card? that is tonight, my friend.
my roommate made out with a guy wearing a squirrel costume, equipped with a blow up tail. time to start harvesting nuts for the winter
This is what my life has come to. Like, I may or may not have just stolen pizza from the guy I just hooked up with's fridge when I left...
drinking right out of the bottle and nobody bats an eye.
its good to be home.
He showed up to a baby shower and kept telling everyone he was late because he was pregaming. And then tried honking the pregnant girls tits
He literally wrote out a schedule. On it, there's a taco break, and a spot where I start crying.
I still can't get over the fact that he thinks I have my life together... That has to be one of the nicest yet most sadly misled things anyone has ever said about me
He was doing dishes, naked. I dropped to my knees and gave him head. Teamwork level- pro..
Saw a thong on the yellow lines of the street when I left this morning, are they yours by any chance?
I still think he’s a fuckboy but he’s nice to me when I’m over.\nLike sets alarms for me in the morning and always makes sure I cum.
How do I un-spend everything I bought last night? Seriously...was a penis shaped piñata and enough tequila to fill my bathtub really that necessary?
At least you can say you've literally dumped money down the drain
Randomize