worst hand job ever. my dick is about as raw as that sushi your mom wanted me to try.
I puked last after eating a volcano taco and drinking vodka. I felt like a fucking dragon.
Are we still dressing up as garden gnomes for halloween?
No. I would like to get laid again before I graduate.
josh has a chalupa in his pocket if you're hungry.
currently pooping in a public restroom while drinking free beer. there has never been a finer line between awesome and depressing.
I hate it when fuck holes buy me drinks at the bar. You don't know my order. You don't know me. You don't know where I've been. You don't know my life.
not totally sure where im at but i think i've definitely woken up on this couch before. bong on the coffee table looks familiar. should be able to find my way home
I dunno if you guys are having weird sex or a most accurate bird sound contest but either way stop doin it
THIS CHICK IS LIKE SOME SORT OF HOOKER HOUDINI.
Can you bring me a corn dog or something shaped like one?
That makes 14 Xmas cards already! Middle aged people are really nice to their dealers.
He has started theming his dick pics. I have one he sent his duck has a sombrero on. Another a Barbie is riding it.
This is even better than the wine from my laundry basket
he was really really nice, and I did coke off of his dong that night too
It's OK, I woke up in a drag queen's bed last weekend. It took me forever to get the glitter out of my cleavage.
Randomize
