Saw shirtless man with angel wing tramp stamp seen biking in my neighborhood. Considering moving.
Ive either hit rock bottom or become my own hero.
We literally played a game called pass the child which consisted of us shitfaced tossing the 5 year old birthday boy at each other
I make your heart skip a beat like that pivotal moment when you open a public toilet lid
And on the seventh day, God carefully sculpted your cock to fit perfectly into my masterpiece of a vagina. Then he rested. Look it up.
I have fruit by the foot roll-ups. I wonder if a man could tie them together and make an editable bra....
There is nothing more embarrassing than your birth control alarm going off while in a meeting with your boss and they tell you to take it.
Are you sure you didn't shit in my back yard?
It's been so long that I've occasionally forgotten I own a vagina
I just want the relationship Bob and Linda Belcher have- is that too much to ask?!
Maybe if I ever do become a counselor, I would just implement a kind of intensive meme therapy.
I used my mad pharmacist skills to turn ordinary birth control into morning after. I think my professors would be proud.
the people in front of me have a grocery cart in their car... i missed college...
I am now gainfully employed. Parents, lock up your children.
Yay! Welcome to the world of "you're seriously trusting me with your kid?"
There's a difference tho. *I* drink at seven in the morning because I work graveyards. YOU drink at seven in the morning cause you're an alcoholic.
Randomize
