I used to practice getting hit by cars.
she's on the floor slapping my dogs face with slices of pizza
I came home to the cats covered in paint and he was asleep in the tub with a firefighters hat on.
I dont know, my roommate got arrested but I'm gunna get some tacos no matter what
DRUNK CANOEING
Please text me if you survive.
LAND HO BITCH
This is how my night is going so far. The bartender bought our last two rounds and I'm chasing a bee around the bar with a foam bat.
I received a text promising me sex if I drove to Memphis this weekend. Too bad for my penis that we're watching zombie movies and playing cards.
Dude just bought the table 3 bottles of champaign and broke one on the floor as his "signature" and he makes me want this recession hit harder
If you buy me a steak I will make the extra effort to ride you. If not, I'm just gonna lay there.
Hook ups at LEGOLAND don't count right?
Are we playing inappropriate sexual encounters bingo?
Do you ever get a cramp in like, ONE labia?
Want to come over and dangle your tits on top of me like a skewer?
I DEMAND FORESKIN
what a classic moment of my life. A buffet of taco bell and a taser gun.
I didn't expect the hobit to have that much sexual tension.
Randomize
