i just saw someone crawling up the stairs to the dorm while screaming "i have the best vagina!"
I don't plan to be alive for 2010 so ima say this 12 hours early. Happy New Year bitches
when i came out to my mom, it was over brunch. i was eating a banana. not exactly my smartest breakfast choice.
we're tailgating intramural basketball with hard drugs and tequila...and i think the players are taking shrooms
I'm crossing my legs while pooping. Taking a shit has never looked so proper.
I had to make out with him. He bought me a few drinks and he was an Angels fan. As a Yankee fan that was my way of saying good game and sorry we beat the shit out of you
Can you work for me at 4? We might have just taken some drugs we found in the couch and... end of story
I'm putting you on my Emergency card so i can spend the last ounce of strength in my hospital bed to flip you off.
Well I checked the bush outside his apartment building this morning, and he wasn't there... So I knew he was home.
I can't relate, I like my boobs roaming free like a wild animal, and I occasionally let them devour small children
I just want to pat him on the head, bake him some cookies, and reassure him that, someday, he will get laid.
Btw, if I didn't have 3 limbs in restraints and my free hand offing myself with the pocket rocket, I would have snap chatted you. Next time.
HE JUST ALLUDED TO FUCKING MY FRESH LOAF OF BREAD
There's glitter all over his bed from my Pink VS panties... I think I might invest in similar styles as a way of marking my territory just incase.
I just had a visual of u banging and screaming at him at the same time.
Randomize
