i told my grandma i broke up with my boyfriend. her reply " you need to play the field more anyway"
Unless I'm getting a singing midget telegram, I'm not going to smile
Probably should plan this out. Step one: grow stache. Two: get trenchcoat. Three: Kidnap Selena Gomez.
I had better be fucking involved with step four.
Also, I once came to the conclusion after this one boy, that her pleasure condoms are a college boys version of flowers
I don't know what's worse, the fact that my parents own a sex swing or the fact that my little cousin was playing on it
I'm having horrible flashbacks of being groped by Pauly Shore.
she got kicked out of the bar for shoving german chocolate cake in the bartenders face. we were there less than a minute
we were hooking up and then he goes "you can touch my penis" and i laughed too hard to do anything. no second date.
I only had sex with him so I could try to steal his roommate's cat, what kind of girl do you think I am?
Haha. Last winter I went through this phase where id go to the bars with my own giant goblet and demand to be served white wine and red bull hah
I don't know how I'm going to know it's her, I only know what she looks like with a wig on
SHE COULD ALREADY BE HERE AND I WOULDN'T EVEN KNOW
Stop calling him just to say, "my vagina misses you."
I'm trying to fuck him and feed him. I don't understand why it isn't working.
Don’t worry I was with my ex husband for 10 years and he could never remember the year I was born, when our dating anniversary was or what year I graduated high school. But I still know that mother fuckers SSN lol
I got so tired of my roommates fucking in the tub I took a shit in it. Surprise!
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