Her life has all the ingredients for a how to book: Making Your Life an Epic Fail
I dont even clean my room anymore .. i drunk proof it for when i come back smashed with a guy
I just peed on my pajamas. Its gonna be a long night. Don't forget the cookies.
the girl next to me at the bar JUST looked down at her vagina and said "im going to get you fed". if i come home alone tonight...i give you permission to cut off my penis
im just going to wait until i dont feel like the grim reaper is having sex with me
I fucked her and then she made me sleep on the floor next to her bed because she 'has a committment problem'
Please don't be alarmed by the blood on my arms and phone in the morning. It's not mine.
Nothing like an old fashioned, wine fueled, anxiety-cry in the shower to start off finals week.
It's 6 a.m. ... what the hell.
I had to drink a couple beers this morning so I could attend the keg race. Hangover had to dissipate or it wasn't happening.
Why were you eating a hot dog in the bathroom at 230 am?
My roommate was sleeping, I thought it would be rude
I'm using the house around the corner that my parents rent out to people as a means of getting sex. I just tell them I'm going for a walk and just invite my next hook up over
Please don't mistake my med student status for responsibility. I'm drinking tequila while studying vascular surgery techniques.
I call him Seabiscuit because he's my trusty steed
I think I've been there, but who knows? I drink a lot
Drunk. Come get me. Out front blue shirt.
Where are you? And you borrowed my shirt. I know what you're wearing. How wasted are you?
Hotel
WHICH HOTEL??
Randomize
