Your dad touched me again.
I'm going to buy you a pony but under one condition: you have to name it sarah jessika parker
We need a plan...
Find random men. Use them as sexual objects. There's our plan.
More importantly, he hasn't caught an STD yet. I mean I'd say it's luck, but at this point it has to be skill.
Just ran into that guy that tried to take a dump in your pool
oh and then you called a time out with your penis
So the guy who is making our IDs is in jail now for attempted murder, with no bail...
So no fakes?
I seem to have forgotten that I am wearing a one piece bathing suit under my clothes
No more jager for that guy. He jacked the neighbor kids big wheel, rode around making jet noises, then passed out behind the wheel and rolled it and broke his wrist
I just farted and its sounded like it was disappointed in me.
Just bought a colored water bottle so my classmates can be so judgemental when I bring beer to class.
If I get one more "oh yaaaaa he changed your oil" texts, I'm gonna lose my shit
6 more days and it'll be a year since i slept with him and never went home
MANIFESTATION IS REAL AND IM GETTING LAID TONIGHT
I lysoled the money\n(631): wrong text lmao
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