:O -> O: ... that's emoticon for "he threw up in my mouth while we were making out"
Pls don't use the words alligator, purple, and sperm in the same sentence ever again.
I just saw a dude get out of an ambulance with nothing but wallabees on
After he finished his girlfriend called him. I sat there, tied his shoes for him, then he high fived me and said "this is gonna be a great summer steph"
I'm sitting next to a ginger. She is decked out in olive green. Gingers fucking love olive green.
There are a bunch of highly educated, advanced in their field, PUSSY ASS BITCHES in this bar
People were running around punching out the ceiling tiles Super Mario style.
I'm in my bed. Snow angles in fresh sheets. don't even try to get me out tonight.
How about to stay friends we only have sex on our birthdays. Maybe national holidays too. And days we get really drunk. Wanna get really drunk?
If I don't get to have sex with him soon my entire female reproductive system is gonna climb out of my body and choke me to death
I dunno I mean I feel like I owe everyone an apology except the two people I punched in the face
I think we should have a sex position advent calendar
It's something you'd find in the room outside of Ben Carson's sex dungeon
I woke up at 2 AM to find them in my living room with a radio flyer wagon full of milk glass plates and a Holstein cow. How am I going to explain this to my landlord!?!
Ever get that feeling that you're the back up booty call and half way through securing the fake date excuse to try to get in your pants, the guy hears back from the original booty call and drops the conversation with no explanation?
Randomize
