God I can't wait to have my phone textbombed every night
I hated hipsters before it was mainstream.
It's confirmed I did eat a ping pong ball last night...
his mom gave me my lost underwear folded up along with the rest of my christmas present. tell me this cannot be happening.
She bellyflopped onto the poolside bar, broke one wine bottle, and stole another...the resort staff just frowned and cleaned up her mess.
Just found a pic on my phone of you on squatting on the hood of a police car about to take a dump. Care to explain what happened last night?
There was an Altoids can full of urine in the bathroom. I do not want to know what was going on in there.
Well i think matt shit his pants so ill mark that as a W
You're invited to our X-games themed party. We have an ice luge and every time someone eats shit we drink. It's gonna be great.
My dad handed me a drink and said, "This'll knock your dick in the dirt..."
COME HERE WE MELTED A CORONA BOTTLE WITH FIREWORKS
I plan to get very, very drunk when I get off work.
But doesn't your shift end at like noon?
I don't think you understand.
I shouldn't be drunk at 3 pm but alas, here we are...
i warned you not to do dabs 20 minutes before graduation. You never listen
So you've been sexting me while spending time with your family
I'm a family man but I have priorities
Randomize
