oh my god I didn't know your sister was this good at french kissing
I accidentally had sex with my boyfriend's twin last night...and he didn't stop me.
How was it?
Fantastic, but that's not the point.
I knew the sex would be bad when he slipped the rubber on and said "safe sex activated"
He just kept yelling woof and then threw money all over me...
Just made out with the bride... She was still in her dress & I was still in my bridesmaid dress, how's that for an album picture?!?
just found gum connecting my sunglasses to my floor board. you don't want to know where else it was.
laying naked on couch sucking water through straw. i can still feel the orgasm from last night. thank you mdma.
currently pooping in a public restroom while drinking free beer. there has never been a finer line between awesome and depressing.
I would personally love to see the surveillance video of me throwing my stuff inside, peeing on the sidewalk, then crying hysterically when I realized I locked myself out. Again.
We are a team. I lure them in with my tits, feed them enough alcohol to consider homosexuality, and hand them off to you.
You're the best wingman ever.
Birthday are for suffering. TAke some tylenol pm and day-drink tomorrow
I'm starting to question if I'm gonna need to bring a raincoat just to drink around u
U act like I can cum on command
Dude a gay guy just Sparta kicked this Samoan guy for calling him a flamer you need to get down here the free kamakazee shots haven't even started yet
I know it's just really hard to give up sex and cigs during a blizzard
Oh. My. God. I. Am. Going. To. Punch. Someone. In. The. Face. Immediately.
Randomize