Was it a mistake telling him I couldn't get the abortion until I was 2 months along on the first date?
i woke up on my kitchen floor, halfway through a text, and my mascara running... this is why i stopped drinking tequila
Mother nature decided I wasn't going to be a whore today. Fuck her.
Apparently riding the dog like its a small horse is frowned upon in this establishment
I feel like I just need to fuck him after all his effort. like a "hey man good try" like those kids who get last place and still get a trophy.
My head. My head is the problem. Also alcoholism.
Santa was walking around downtown handing out stuff at the bars. He gave me a free eyebrow wax. I think he's trying to tell me something
If it makes you feel any better, karma just served me up a big dose of fuck you.
he busted into the room with single cheese slices and started yelling "THROW SOME CHEESE ON THAT BITCH"
The crooked penis I maybe could have looked past...but no foreplay? Deal breaker.
The hospital waiting room is starting to become a very familiar place to me.
You have got to be the only man who has passed out while getting a lap dance.
Well, he kept asking me if I was going to murder him once we got upstairs. It sort of killed the mood.
i am not an asshole. i paid for her to take a cab home.
dude, we were in ann arbor. she's from cincinnati. ten bucks didn't even get her back on I-94. i maintain my position. you are indeed an asshole.
She could hold her breath for a long time. Best underwater blowjob ever.
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