You love popeyes more than me
does delicious chicken come out of your vagina?
Dude, totally just found out that I've been washing my hair with semen for the past 3 weeks.
I just wanted to say sorry for trying to jack off your dog last night.
I pretty much gave up on you when you told me you couldn't go home yet b/c you had to stop at church first. It was 2 AM and you insisted you were late for mass.
Y'know, without the cops, it would've just been us daydrinking,
My bra broke.... so I Macguyvered that shit together with floss
she tried giving me head in the pool. it was more entertaining than pleasurable
Congrats on having the best tasting nipple at the bar last night.
Yes, but it's not new to me. It's like every time a new guy finds out I'm a squirter it's a novelty so they make me squirt and squirt and squirt until their bed is completely soaked. And then afterwards they complain that there isn't a dry bit to sleep on. No shit Sherlock.
I. Put. Them. Back. We are NOT making a habit of jail visits.
we got kicked out of McDonald's because you kept screaming THAT SHIT CRAY at the woman in front of us because she ordered a fish filet.
...that shit cray.
The claw marks on my back are healing nicely. Just thought you should know.
My bad. Next time I'll wear mittens.
Fighting the urge to throw up all over my little brothers jr high basketball bench. Welcome home aaron
tbh I think I just dated him for his dogs in the first place.
found a thong and $20 in my right pocket. it's going to be a good day
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