i broke my thumb. i no longer have 2 opposable thumbs. i'm sub-human. i love vicodin.
I'm curled up in a ball on the floor of my office with the lights off. I hope no one notices. No more open bar. Woof.
Yours is on the dinner table...mine is in my underwear drawer.
I served up a girl her first a2m the other day. You would have been proud.
Dan is more possessive of me than a Michael Jackson is of McCully Caulkin
was*
True, R.I.P.
2 v-cards in one night. impossible is nothing.
So are you the girl that gave me herpes? or was that the girl from the night before
is he apposed to sex in general? or just porch sex?
I can practically hear my vag and my conscience fighting.
I was so drunk. I apparently did a flip over the balcony using it as monkey bars. Ya I hurt a bit today
I don't think you should be sorry for such memorable sex that I yell your name when you aren't around.
Oh also we fucked while one of the old Rudolph movies was playing on tv so it was festive
Dude on a beach in sicily and a blonde jesus just smoked us out and then tried to makeout with me I am never leaving this place
I just timed my pee with a stop watch. From when the main stream started to ended. It was 45.1 seconds. This is the truth trust me.
Drunk sex on a hardwood floor is never ever a good idea. Lesson learned.
Randomize
